hasn’t steered you wrong yet.”
Did I steer her wrong? During our time sans clothing, I was the one doing the steering. Or so I thought. I feel less like the captain and more like I’m bobbing in the ocean in a life preserver. Or clawing onto the edge of a door while slowly freezing to death like poor Jack in Titanic.
At first, I was in charge and running the show, but since I asked for an extension and she refused, I’ve been rethinking. Overthinking. Questioning.
“Something feels off,” I say, almost to myself. I set the beer on the patio. My stomach tosses, as if thinking about the ocean left me seasick. Maybe the heat is getting to me, or maybe alcohol after so much physical activity wasn’t a great idea.
“You look off, man.”
“It’s the heat,” I explain, unconvinced.
I say goodbye to my brother, who waves and tells me to feel better and “don’t sweat the life coach. It’ll work out.”
On the drive home I recall many, many pieces of advice Archer has given me, all of them sound. He’s older than me, so he walked me through my first richy-rich affairs and made sure I knew how to behave, where to sit or stand, what to say when meeting a family friend or a potential presidential candidate.
So why, when he laid it out for me just now, am I railing against his advice and my own? Could Archer be…wrong?
My stomach tosses again.
I reach for my cell phone as I maneuver into the left lane and brake at a stoplight. When Nate answers, I tell him, “I’m coming over.”
I hear Vivian murmur, “Is everything okay?” and realize I’m interrupting.
“It can wait,” I say, prepared to excuse myself. Next, I’m talking to Vivian.
“Benji, get your ass over here.” I hear her tell Nate she’s getting dressed and then I know I’m interrupting. By the time he’s back on the phone, the decision has been made.
“See you soon,” he tells me.
“Sprite,” Vivian announces, and I take the glass from her hand. I’m standing next to their dining room table where Odessa has left a spread of salad, fruit, and sandwiches for lunch.
“Thanks,” I say. Nate offered me lunch and I nearly hurled. Vivian decided Sprite would fix me right up. I kind of doubt it, but the gesture was nice. “Enjoy your food. I’m going to step outside.”
She exchanges a glance with Nate that tells me at least one of them isn’t going to leave me alone. Sure enough, when I walk outside my oldest brother follows.
The view from his back patio is very different from Archer’s. It’s similar to mine, but his backyard is larger without the addition of a swimming pool, heated or otherwise. Then I notice the hot tub. “This new?”
“It is. We’ve been in it almost every night.”
“I don’t want to know,” I say. I really don’t. If I had a hot tub at my house, I know exactly what I’d be doing in it with Cris “almost every night.” Not that I have the option to do anything with her any longer. My throat grows thick, making it hard to swallow.
“What’s going on with you, man?”
“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” I snap.
He doesn’t so much as flinch. “You are typically a macaron.”
He lost me. “A macaron.”
“Yeah, light and airy. And definitely more upbeat than you’ve been lately. Does this have anything to do with the conversation Viv had with Cris?”
“What did Cris say to Viv?” My ears perk.
“That’s a yes. And if you think I’m telling you, you’re insane.” He takes a pull from his water bottle and walks out to the yard to stand in the sunshine. I trail his steps, my feet sinking into the thick, plush green grass as I go. “Remember when you were thirteen and had that math competition? The televised one.”
It’s an odd turn of topic. I’d rather know what Viv and Cris talked about. If Cris is suffering from doubt and worry the way I am, or if she’s living her best life now that she doesn’t have to juggle me in another capacity other than boss/best friend. Did I make everything harder for her? I’d try and steer the conversation but I know instinctively I’d be wasting my time. When Nate digs in, he does so with an oak tree’s roots. He’s not going to tell me anything even if I do indulge him. But hey, it’s worth a shot.
“What was that show called?” he asks.
“Divide and Conquer,”