almost appreciated it. But we weren’t high-value public figures. People didn’t know who we were and our enemies were dead. At times, I had to remind myself that old habits die hard. The longer we continued living in peace, the more it would soothe my husband. I just had to put up with a little over-protectiveness until then.
“Come with us,” I urged Edward as we stepped onto the sidewalk outside. I flipped the collar of my coat up against the light drizzle that had started while we were inside gorging on fettuccine.
Edward paused, as though he was honestly considering it, before shaking his head. “I’m not sure being around a happily married couple is the best idea for me right now. No matter how much I love you.”
I didn’t miss the singular aspect of his proclamation. Edward got along with Smith, but they weren’t exactly close. Really no one was close to my husband. He had something of the beast in him, which put off most people. Not that Smith minded. In fact, he seemed to prefer it that way. I still couldn’t understand how I'd managed to get past the armour he kept so carefully in place. I only wished he’d let someone else in, too. As much as I loved my husband, I was grateful to have friends I could rely on.
“But you’ll visit when the baby comes, right?” There was no way I was letting him worm his way out of that one.
“I don’t know. I was thinking about taking a trip. I might not be back in time,” he said with the air of someone who’d just been asked out on an awkward date.
“Another one?” I snapped, momentarily losing my patience with him. He was going to skip Christmas. Wasn’t that enough? I took a deep breath and shook off my frustration. “I don’t want you to miss this.”
He gave me a tight smile. “Says the woman who eloped in New York.”
“That was different.”
To his credit, he didn’t point out that I was being a hypocrite. He simply raised one eyebrow. “Look, it has nothing to do with you. I just need to get away from this city. Everywhere I look, I see him. But it’s more than that. I don’t see him how he was. I don’t trust any of those memories. He was lying to me the whole time. Nothing we had was real. I can’t even miss him properly.”
I placed a hand on his arm, feeling like a bitch for losing my temper and letting my hormones get the better of me. “You have every right to your grief. David did love you. I’m certain of that.”
“Then why did he do it? I thought I knew him better than anyone in the world,” he admitted in a low voice as a group of laughing friends jostled past us into the restaurant. “He had a whole life he kept from me.”
I thought of Smith and how complicated our relationship was in the beginning. He’d guarded himself and his secrets. It had taken a long time to develop trust between us, but even now I knew there were places deep inside him locked away from me. I suspected they were locked away from him, too. “There’s always unknown places in another person, no matter how much you love them or they love you.”
“That’s supposed to be what marriage is about,” Edward exploded, startling two women walking past with shopping bags. They huddled closer together and quickly crossed the street. “You find those places—discover them. Together. The good ones and the bad ones. You spend the rest of your life committed to exploring that person until you can read them like a well-worn map.”
Maybe he was right. Isn’t that what I wanted? To know Smith like I knew myself. Isn’t that what I wanted him to do as well? Discover me? Explore me? Until there was no unknown territory between us. It was the kind of work that took time and commitment.
“We didn’t get that,” he continued, this time more calmly. “And the worst part is that sometimes, I wonder…”
I waited for him to tell me, sensing a confession forming. He opened his mouth as a honk startled me from behind.
I turned to see our new Range Rover pulled to the curb, its headlights illuminating the misty rain. Smith jumped out of the car, frowning, to find me outside. I moved between him and Edward instinctively, knowing that my husband shouldn’t choose this moment to chew