once had inside me, the one that I thought had long since died, flickers alight.
I can do nothing except lean into her. We’ve stopped turning but my head keeps spinning. My fingers dig into her back. Her arms lock tighter around my neck. I lower my nose against her jaw and inhale. Her scent of sweet almonds and fresh soap hits my gut.
“Alena,” I breathe.
She shivers against me. I feel the corners of her lips against my cheek, her breath heating my skin.
All I have to do is turn my head.
All I have to do…
The song ends. Another starts up. I falter on my next step as the strains of “Stormy Weather” begins.
Of all the songs they could have played.
Our song.
Memories of that fated day in Russia slam back into me, rattling my rage awake again. No way this is a coincidence. She requested this song on purpose. She made me drop my guard just to throw it back in my face. She made me think she still cared about me.
The familiar creature takes over my body. It cannot wash away what has risen to the surface.
I want her.
She made me want her. Even when all I want to do is hate her.
I pull back so I can see her deceitful eyes. “Nice song choice,” I hiss down at her.
I notice too late the open longing on her face as she looks back at me. It fades as her eyes widen. “You think I requested this?”
“Don’t try and tell me you didn’t.”
“Not everyone is as cruel as you, Dimitri.” She shoves me and I let her go. She straightens. “Excuse me. I have other guests to attend to.”
She turns and runs through the crowd. I stand and watch her as she disappears out the side door onto the terrace.
Something tugs in me.
You’re being an asshole, Dimi. Go apologise.
Me? An old indignant voice in me screams. I won’t apologise until she apologises first. Even then, she doesn’t deserve to be forgiven for what she did to me.
I straighten my suit jacket and glance around to see if anyone has noticed Alena’s sudden departure. I catch Emily’s eye, standing on the side of the room, watching me. Only then do I notice Emily’s wearing a royal blue dress, a colour which makes her skin look sallow. I vaguely recall that I named that colour as my favourite when she asked me the other day.
It’s not. My favourite colour is that dappled green that leaves get right before autumn.
If I was smart, I’d go to Emily. She’s watching me. She expects me to go to her.
Something overwhelming pulls my attention out towards the terrace. It’s a force stronger than logic. An instinct. A tug on my soul. It shuts out any thoughts of plans. Of revenge.
32
____________
Alena
I stand on the wide terrace, the music muted out here. Beyond me, the manicured trees and bushes of our manicured back gardens stand like solemn silhouettes, the only witnesses to my torment. I grip at the cold stone balcony, sucking in deep calming breaths, the scent of jasmine filling my lungs. Above me the moon is full. They say that the full moon makes people crazy. Perhaps, if that’s true, I can blame the moon for almost losing my mind back there.
Oh my God. I wanted to kiss him. I was practically begging him to kiss me as I brushed my lips against his smooth cheek. In front of everyone. In front of my husband. In front of…Emily. My stomach weaves with guilt. Dear God, I hope she didn’t notice us.
I just… I couldn’t think when he had his arms around me, when he was so close. Everything I buried in the depths of my soul came tumbling out around him, clogging the air.
I still love Dimitri.
I can’t deny it.
Even after he’s been so cruel, I still want him now more than ever. The call to throw all caution to the wind and just let him do his worst is like a fever, a disease taking over my mind and my body, making me act like his foolish puppet.
He still wants me. I know he does. I felt it. He still feels something even if it is buried like coals under ash, otherwise there’d be no fuel for his hatred.
Then that song. Our song. Thank God that song came on, stopping us both.
He accused me of requesting it. The hateful bastard. He doesn’t trust me. Will he ever stop blaming me? Will he stop trying to make