new, but I’ve had their chai almost every day and you have to try it,” he tells me like we’re good friends. Like we know each other well. After a moment he adds, “Great place to write.”
“I can see that.” I swallow, feeling a stir of something else in my chest. It pulls at my heart. Guilt. I feel like I’m cheating.
Evan and I are separated; I remind myself again. With all the crap Evan’s done and put me through, it’s over. It has to be.
So this, this little distraction … I refuse to stop it when it makes me feel something other than the turmoil that has been plaguing me.
My hands wrap around the mug and they warm instantly as I take a good long look around the place. The brick walls and picture frames make it cozy and inviting. With the dark wooden tables and wicker furniture, I could see how a writer could make themselves comfy in a corner chair. Using both hands to lift the mug, I take a small sip and then another, much longer one, feeling the warmth flow through my cold chest. And then a third. Even though I feel less consumed with regret about the fight between Jacob and Evan, a different feeling is washing over me.
“So, what do you think?”
I have to blink away my thoughts and try to figure out what he’s referring to before a bright blush rushes to my cheeks.
“The chai,” he adds comically and nods at my hands.
“It’s good,” I say with a half-hearted smile and then see the bruise again. “I just …” Why can’t I stop apologizing and let it go?
A half-hearted smile graces his lips and it’s quiet for a short moment. “Kat, I don’t really like your ex.”
Ex.
My heart hammers and my blood feels as if it’s draining from my body, leaving me cold. “I can see why,” I respond easily enough, although I can’t look him in the eyes.
“Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you.” His tone changes to sympathetic and I hate this moment. I hate feeling weak and not knowing what to do or say.
“Please don’t worry about me, Jacob.” My voice is as strong as I can make it.
“First of all,” he says with a gorgeous smile, “it’s Jake.” I can’t help the small laugh that slips out at how serious he is. “And second, I’m not worrying, just being there for someone. That’s all.”
All my misgivings about him leave me as I look into his kind dark green, hazel eyes. He’s the rugged kind of handsome I would have been drawn to back when I was single. I’m honest enough to admit I’m drawn to him now.
He’s a good guy, and I can feel that in my bones.
“That’s very nice of you, but I think …” I start to say and pause as I try to figure out how to word what I’m thinking without sounding pathetic. I’m still in love with my ex, pregnant with his child, confused and feeling alone. Even if he’s in jail and we’re separated, I can’t stop worrying about him. Instead, all I can manage is a mix between a groan and a sigh. I conclude with a simply stated, “I’m just a mess over it all.”
“Hey, let’s just end it there?” he suggests. “I don’t have many friends here and I put my nose where it didn’t belong. I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“You’re not in the wrong here.”
“I’m not in the right either, am I?”
“What do you mean?” I ask him like I’m oblivious. I know exactly what he means.
“I—” he starts to say but then stops himself and lets out a short laugh before rubbing his eyes. “Sorry, I’ve been up all night working on this manuscript.”
I see the opening to steer the conversation back to work and take it. To keep this relationship just business. “I could bury myself in manuscripts right now.”
Jacob lets out a charming laugh and I find myself slipping into the one role I know I’m good at. “Have you thought about who you’d like to be your agent and represent you?” I almost roll my eyes at the question.
“You’re shameless,” he says with a wicked grin.
“I know,” I answer him and smile into my cup. The smile is oddly genuine given my state just a moment ago, but Jacob has a way of making me feel calm and relaxed.
“I’m not ready to talk to any publishers. I still don’t know what I want to