whispers, and her breath turns to fog. The wind blows, and her hair falls in front of her face as I tell her, “I’m sorry too.” I get a little choked up, but I manage to tell her, “He loved you so much.”
He really did. His voice telling me to make it right keeps playing in my head and it kills my strength.
“I told you I just needed time.” I try to make the words come out strong, but instead, it’s a plea. I don’t know what to do anymore.
All I want to do is protect her. Maybe that means losing her forever.
She shakes her head. “What part of us moving on with our lives didn’t you understand? I don’t have time for games or whatever trouble you’ve gotten into.”
“I’m fixing the trouble.” I refuse to give up. “I just need more time.”
“And how much longer is that going to be? How much longer do I have to sit on the back burner and wait for you to love me again?”
“I still love you,” I say.
“You don’t act like it.”
“There’s a reason for everything, I promise.” I have to blink away the scenes of the funeral, of the night terrors.
“I don’t want to hear your excuses anymore,” she says and wipes under her eyes. Her voice is drenched with defeat. “You’re supposed to be here for me.”
I question everything in that moment. I’m so afraid of losing her, but the image of her dead on the ground makes me harden my resolve. I hesitate and immediately regret it.
“I need you to go, Evan. For good.”
“It’s because of Jacob, isn’t it?” I can’t help but blurt it out. I want someone else to blame. Someone else to hate other than me. “You’re moving on with him?”
I can’t help but point out that she’s the one who wants someone else. I only want her. I won’t lose her. I’ll fuck her so good when all this is over, she’ll forget any other man exists.
“You think I need a man? You think I need someone?” Her voice is coated with an anger I haven’t seen from her before. “I never needed anyone! You’re the only one I ever let in. You were the only one I let get close and I’ll be fine, living the rest of my life alone.”
“You want him more than me?” My jealousy gets the best of me.
“Get away from me!” she spits out as she opens the door to head into the house.
“I’m coming back for you,” I tell her, and I mean it.
“Well I won’t be here, and I’m changing the locks on the townhouse. So good fucking luck with that.”
Chapter 19
Kat
It’s a heavy, sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. It rocks back and forth, making you queasy and your body can’t sit still. That’s what it feels like when you know you’re about to hurt someone.
At least that’s how it feels right now.
I don’t need anyone at all and I don’t want anyone either. Maybe I’m proving it to myself, or maybe to Evan. I don’t care which.
My pulse quickens, and I try to swallow the spiked ball in my throat when I hear the bell at the front of the café.
Jacob smiles sweetly with genuine happiness as he strolls over to the table, letting his jacket slip off his shoulders. I’m going to miss that charming grin he has. I’ll miss the comfort his presence brings more.
“One more nice day before winter comes in,” he says easily. It’s felt like winter for weeks now to me, but he’s from farther up north, so I suppose it hasn’t been as brutal to him as it’s seemed to me.
“One more nice day,” I repeat, nodding my head at the ceramic mug on the table. I have to force the smile to stay on my face, but it doesn’t fool Jacob.
“What’s wrong?” he asks me, not touching the mug of chai already waiting for him.
I hate that I get choked up. It’s stupid really. Childish and I’m far too grown for little kid games.
It was just friends, then just a kiss.
But it never should have been anything.
“Nothing,” I answer and shake my head slightly then pick up the mug. Jake’s face falls, but he still tries to cheer me up.
“So, I never got your answer about the movies tomorrow night.” He’s quick to change the topic, gracing me with that ever-present kind smile. “I heard it’s going to be good.”
My mug clinks on the small saucer