the kind of place with two-hundred-dollar yoga leggings and a menu of international bottled water. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had a water sommelier on staff.
“Namaste and welcome to LoftYoga,” A slender, super toned and tanned young woman purrs to Bex and me as we enter the airy reception space, almost bowled over by a wall of incense-laden air that smells like the lobby of a medicinal marijuana dispensary.
“Hi,” Bex says with a fake smile.
“Wow, what’s that smell?” I say, trying to decide if I love it or hate it.
“It’s palo santo and sage. Isn’t it beautiful? Totally chakra cleansing and it clears out all the negative energy. Not that we have negative energy here. Guru Stan provides such a positive space. We sell it for twenty-five dollars per stick if you’d like to clear your domestic dwelling.” She displays an incense stick like it’s an Oscar statue.
Bex’s eyes bulge at the price and her fake smile gets even faker. “Um, that’s nice, but no thank you. Alex left me two guest passes for the yoga class at eleven o’clock.”
“Alex…such a pure soul.” The woman sighs. “What’s your name?”
“Summer,” Bex says.
“Her name’s Summer Moon Lotus,” I step in and say somewhat loudly. There’s no way I’m letting Bex out of this one. “And I’m her spiritual sister, Kitty Aura.” I stifle a laugh and try to keep my face as deadpan as possible.
“Okay, here you go, Summer Moon. What a beautiful name. Who gifted it to you? I’m waiting for Guru Stan to gift me with a name. Until then, I’m Jennifer.” She says it with such sadness that I almost feel sorry for her. “You and Kitty are booked in for Skip Stone’s eleven a.m. Hot Karma Movement and Meditation. Guru Stan will join to lead the meditation.”
“Hot?” Bex says.
“Yes, we have an infrared studio. It warms your body from the inside. You’re going to feel amazing. It’s not like other studios that just blow hot air, like you’re under a blow dryer. This really gets into your body, your soul. You will feel like you’re glowing,” Jennifer enthuses in her airy voice.
“Glowing like an ember in hell,” I say under my breath to Bex.
“I didn’t know it was hot yoga. That seems a little intense for me.” Bex takes two steps back toward the door.
“Yes, we didn’t know it was oven yoga. Please tell Alex thank you from us.” I think to myself that we could be at a diner eating pancakes in less than fifteen minutes.
“Are you sure? Infrared heat improves skin tone and also promotes weight loss,” Jennifer says.
“Okay!” Bex and I quickly say at the same time, then laugh. Well, what have we got to lose—a few pounds and a few wrinkles? I guess it would be good to sweat out the wine from yesterday, and the G and Ts from Saturday.
“Here are your mats, a complimentary perspiration towel and my blessings for a good class. If you’d like another towel, it’s five dollars. A vegan lunch will be served after meditation. Guru Stan encourages all of his devotees to embrace the vegan path.”
Bex leans in to whisper to me as we make our way up to the studio. “A perspiration towel! Vegan lunch? Oh boy, this is gonna be fun.”
“Hey, at least you look hot before we get hot.” I playfully pull on the strap of her tank top. “Skip Stone? Sounds like a sexy construction worker on a soap opera.”
“Breathe in to the count of four, breathe out to the count of four. Expel anything in your life that you don’t want. Breathe in two…three…four. Out…two…three…four. Now longer. Six counts in, six counts out. You’re entering a new world of consciousness with each breath.”
In the midst of Skip’s breathing instructions, he motions to Bex and me as we pause tentatively in the doorway. The class is packed. If parking a car in LA is hard, then parking a yoga mat is even harder. Maybe we will be eating pancakes soon, after all, I think optimistically. He signals that we should come up to the front of the studio and put our mats down beside his. We both shake our heads and survey the studio, hoping that miraculously some space will have opened up, preferably at the back.
There’s one space open, I nudge Bex to go for it and indicate that I’ll wait in the lobby. She looks at me with a killer “don’t you even think about it” stare.
“Summer Lotus! You made