Withering Tights - By Louise Rennison Page 0,68

it is time for her to come on again.

I think she should definitely audition for the West End stage.

In the first bit, Cathy and I are all happy together, apart from when we fight and squabble. And even though the weather is often very bad (Jo, Flossie and Honey flitting and banging and singing and crashing into each other) Cathy and I enjoy just being together. And making our own fun. Because we are in love. And it makes us dance with joy.

At the bit when I was teaching Cathy my Irish dancing there was spontaneous applause from the audience. And for the very first time I felt the slippers of applause!

The second half was much darker. Heathcliff hears Cathy saying to a village person (Becka), “I would no more marry Heathcliff than die, he’s rough and coarse and dark.”

And Heathcliff goes off to London, broken-hearted.

Then Cathy is heartbroken because he is gone.

Vaisey sings her big song:

I woke up

We’d broke up

Before we could start.

I’ll never forget you

Because I am so…

Bluuuuuueeeee

(Ooh-oooh-oooh)

It was amazing, we all watched from the wings.

Monty and his mates had their handkerchiefs out and were weeping.

THEN I come back from London. Much, much more cross than when I went. I’ve got a jacket and a scar and my moustache. And sideburns.

The wind gathers and Cathy shivers as she sees me. I stopped in the middle of the stage. Just looking at the audience. Moodily, I paced up and down. I kicked a boulder. I didn’t flinch. Then I shouted, “DOG!” And squeaked my squeaky bone.

And Matilda came on.

In a leather jacket. And shades.

It brought the house down!!

At the end, when Cathy died and was scrabbling at my window (Tilly on a box with a window frame) I started a band and ‘sang’ a song about her: “I know you are dead, but it doesn’t have to be the end…”

I growled it out and strutted around, like a rockstar. And for the final chorus, did Irish dancing by myself, in a mean and moody way.

I was improvising and jumping high and throwing my legs around. It made everyone really laugh. And applaud.

Backstage, Ms Fox gave me a slap on the back and said, “Quite amazing. The squeaky bone was a stroke of comedy genius. And your legs…”

We were all high as kites afterwards. And when we went back to take another bow, Sidone came on to the stage and said to the audience, “Once again, we see the magic of theatre. Who would have thought we would see these little embryos fill the stage? Absolutely FILL the stage. Congratulations, congratulations, and we will see you all next term.”

In my squirrel room. At first I thought that I had heard wrong. But it’s true. I can come back next term!! The Dream is not over!! I am coming back to Dother Hall.

Hoorayyyy!!

Gadzooks.

Spiffing.

I’m saying goodbye to Heckmondwhite. I can’t believe everything is over here. I will miss my little squirrel room. In fact, I think I will ask Dibdobs if I can take my squirrel slippers home to keep me company until I come back.

I went down into the kitchen and Dibdobs was sitting at the kitchen table with the lunatic brothers. She said, “Hellooooooo, Tallulah. Say hellllllooooo to Tallulah, boys.”

Sam said, “Oo going seepin?”

Aaaah.

Dibdobs said, “Come and join us, we’ve got toothpicks and we are making alien vegetables, aren’t we, boys?”

Sam said, “Valien bum bums.”

Dibdobs said, “That’s a silly word, isn’t it, bum bums?”

Max smashed his courgette down, “S’nice!”

Sam said, “You’re a BUM BUM!!!”

And they both started laughing madly and jabbing at each other with courgettes.

Dibdobs was trying to be calm. “Don’t jab each other with the courgettes, boys.”

I went for a last look around Heckmondwhite. Across the village green, I saw the bus from Skipley screech to a halt at the bus stop. Mr Barraclough got off.

I tucked myself back in the shadows, I don’t think I could take any more horsie jokes.

Mr Barraclough shouted back into the bus, “If there is any lasting damage from that bloody duck attacking my nether regions, I will be in touch, Job Earnshaw, so be said. My nether regions are my livelihood.”

And he went limping up to The Blind Pig.

I’m going to miss all this.

But not for long.

Because I have filled my Withering Tights…and I will return to fill them again.

I’ve written a letter to Ruby and I’m going to give it to her to read after I’ve caught my train today.

Dear Rubster,

Ay up!! Just to say, look after little Lullah and little Ruby till we all get back. Tell them that we’ll take them on a mouse picnic in September, if there is no fog.

I’ll really miss you but it’s not long till next term. I’ll bring you your own lipstick and Matilda a special bonio. Oh, and I forgot to tell you about Charlie and me, but I’ll tell you when I see you.

Watch that Cain.

See you soon fun-sized friend.

Love,

Loobylullah xxx

P.S. My corkers are definitely on the move.

Toodle pip for now.

First published in

Great Britain in hardback by

HarperCollins Children’s Books 2010

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FIRST EDITION

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