when we wandered like gipsies, like my former teacher may the Mother has mercy on his soul, and may he be loved and cherished until it is time for him to return.
Athena hasn't known what to do since I switched off the light. She asks about her son, and I tell her not to worry, to leave everything to me. I go out, put the TV on, find a cartoon channel and turn off the sound; the child sits there hypnotised problem solved. I wonder how it must have been in the past, because the women who came to perform the same ritual Athena is about to take part in would have brought their children and in those days there was no TV. What did teachers do then?
Fortunately, I don't have to worry about that.
What the boy is experiencing in front of the television a gateway into a different reality is the same state I am going to induce in Athena. Everything is at once so simple and so complicated! It's simple because all it takes is a change of attitude: I'm not going to look for happiness any more. From now on, I'm independent; I see life through my eyes and not through other people's. I'm going in search of the adventure of being alive.
And it's complicated: why am I not looking for happiness when everyone has taught me that happiness is the only goal worth pursuing? Why am I going to risk taking a path that no one else is taking?
After all, what is happiness?
Love, they tell me. But love doesn't bring and never has brought happiness. On the contrary, it's a constant state of anxiety, a battlefield; it's sleepless nights, asking ourselves all the time if we're doing the right thing. Real love is composed of ecstasy and agony.
All right then, peace. Peace? If we look at the Mother, she's never at peace. The winter does battle with the summer, the sun and the moon never meet, the tiger chases the man, who's afraid of the dog, who chases the cat, who chases the mouse, who frightens the man.
Money brings happiness. Fine. In that case, everyone who earns enough to have a high standard of living would be able to stop work. But then they're more troubled than ever, as if they were afraid of losing everything. Money attracts money, that's true. Poverty might bring unhappiness, but money won't necessarily bring happiness.
I spent a lot of my life looking for happiness, now what I want is joy. Joy is like sex it begins and ends. I want pleasure. I want to be contented, but happiness? I no longer fall into that trap.
When I'm with a group of people and I want to provoke them by asking that most important of questions: 'Are you happy?', they all reply: 'Yes, I am.'
Then I ask: 'But don't you want more? Don't you want to keep on growing?' And they all reply: 'Of course.'
Then I say: 'So you're not happy.' And they change the subject.
I must go back to the room where Athena is sitting. It's dark. She hears my footsteps; a match is struck and a candle lit.
'We're surrounded by Universal Desire. It's not happiness; it's desire. And desires are never satisfied, because once they are, they cease to be desires.'
'Where's my son?'
'Your son is fine; he's watching TV. I just want you to look at the candle; don't speak, don't say anything. Just believe.'
'Believe what?'
'I asked you not to say anything. Simply believe don't doubt anything. You're alive, and this candle is the only point in your universe. Believe in that. Let go of the idea that the path will lead you to your goal. The truth is that with each step we take, we arrive. Repeat that to yourself every morning: I've arrived. That way you'll find it much easier to stay in touch with each second of your day.'
I paused.
'The candle flame is illuminating your world. Ask the candle: Who am I?'
I paused again, then went on:
'I can imagine your answer. I'm so-and-so. I've had these experiences. I have a son. I work in Dubai. Now ask the candle again: Who am I not?'
Again I waited and again I went on:
'You probably said: I'm not a contented person. I'm not a typical mother concerned only with her son and her husband, with having a house and a garden and a place to spend the summer holidays. Is that so? You can speak now.'
'Yes, it is.'
'Good, we're on