“I can’t keep fighting for something that you’re so hell-bent on denying. I love my adrenaline rushes, but I’m not stupid about them. I go with guides, and I wasn’t going to do that adventure race unless I had my survivalist brother on board. I don’t put myself in dangerous—well, okay, I do, but I take all the precautions I can. And I honestly don’t think I can change.”
“I would never ask you to change.”
He nods. “I know, but if I could, I would. For you. And you’re right, I would resent you if you told me to never do anything crazy again. So that leaves us here.”
I look up to find we’re outside his apartment again.
He pulls out his keys. “I’ll drive you home and we’ll say goodbye.”
“You don’t want to ever see one another again?” My heart feels as though it’s been wrenched from my chest.
“That’s not really practical, but we can keep as much distance between us as possible. Just let Tank or Lou know the days you’re coming up to the cabin and I’ll stay away, even if I’m off.”
“Kingston, it doesn’t have to be this way.”
He stares at me. “It does. For me, it does. It’s either all or nothing.”
There’s a finality in his tone that scares me. He opens the passenger door of his truck, waiting for me to climb in. I do, and he shuts the door right after me, then goes around the back of the truck.
We drive in silence. My heart won’t stop lurching. He’s really going to just walk away and end us completely. That might have been how it was when I lived thousands of miles away, but now that I’m back in Alaska, it feels wrong. Final.
The drive to my mom’s bed-and-breakfast doesn’t take long, and he puts his truck into park once he’s reached the end of the driveway.
“Can’t we figure something out?” I sound like I’m pleading.
His eyes remain fixed forward. “This is the only thing we can do. We’ve tried everything over the years. Our only hope is to separate as much as we possibly can, like when you were in New York.”
My hand blindly finds the door handle and I pry it open. “I just want you to know… I do love you. I’ve loved you since you shared your textbook with me and didn’t say you were sorry when I told you my dad died. And I wish things were different. I do. I wish I weren’t so afraid.”
He nods and licks his lips, glancing at me. “Goodbye, Stella.”
He waits, and when I climb out, he drives off. He doesn’t speed or squeal his tires. I watch his taillights until they round the bend, then I collapse to the cold, hard ground, allowing the tears to fall.
I just lost him. And this time it feels like forever.
Twenty-Two
Kingston
When I get out of view of Stella’s house, I send a quick text to Sedona to make sure she’s doing okay. She says she feels great now, so I pull a right to head to the high school. I park in the lot next to Austin’s Jeep and stare at the school, a flood of memories rushing through my mind.
Climbing out, I go to the front door and press the buzzer. Fay waves to me through the window, and the door clicks open a minute later.
“Kingston Bailey?” Fay walks around the desk and pulls me into a hug. “You’re so tall. Taller than your brothers.”
“Yeah.”
Fay looks at a younger girl sitting behind the desk. “This is Austin Bailey’s younger brother. He used to attend here.”
The girl nods and smiles, but Fay rolls her eyes.
“She’s new. Did you hear I’m retiring?” she asks.
“No, really?” I lean over the desk and steal a butterscotch candy. Fay moves the dish up and places it on the counter for me. “And what are you and Mr. Murphy going to do with yourselves?”
“Well, he’s still going to be working, but I’m trying to get him to go on a Caribbean vacation with me.” Her eyes light up.
I cringe because Mr. Murphy is like a lot of people who move to Alaska—he doesn’t care for squelching heat. “Good luck with that.”
“Thanks.” She slides back into her chair. “This is Violet. She’s taking my place.”
“Welcome,” I say.
“She’s single and new to town.” Fay waggles her eyebrows and nods to the poor girl, whose cheeks are now pink.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Kingston.”
“Kingston?” Holly comes out of her office and I welcome the interruption.