either never existed or had been transferred to your mother. And I hated her for it.”
The blunt honesty was shocking, but Selina appreciated it. And the news that her father had played fast and loose with the heart of a woman besides her mother only confirmed that he was a blackguard of the worst sort.
“And then I hated you for being her daughter. And his, truth be told. But you are good for that boy, and even for his lordship. What you’ve done, what I’ve seen – I never would have thought it possible.”
Selina opened her mouth to respond but the truth was, she couldn’t think of a single word to say in the face of such a turnaround.
“I misjudged you, Miss Lee. And for that, I apologise. I think his lordship is making a mistake letting you go.”
With that, she nodded briefly then bustled past Selina and into the kitchens.
Selina shook her head slightly. She used to think that nothing would take her by surprise, yet two weeks in this house had changed her in ways she never could have imagined. And apparently, it had bridged the gap between the gypsy girl and the locals. After all, if the formidable Mrs. Leary could admit to misunderstanding Selina then anyone could, she was sure.
If anything good could come from this situation aside from Timothy being settled, Selina supposed it would be that.
But it was hard to focus on any positives right now. Tonight was to be her last night at the manor house.
Philip and Timothy would leave tomorrow, and Selina would never see them again.
Once more overwhelmed with a helpless sorrow, she dashed up the stairs toward the door to freedom. She didn’t want to go to the bedchamber that only reminded her of her night with Philip.
She needed fresh air, freedom. She needed to try to remember how content she’d felt before she’d ever known that Philip existed.
Philip paced up and down the study, but the movement didn’t help his circuitous thoughts, just as sitting still hadn’t.
He couldn’t get Selina’s words to him out of his mind. He couldn’t forget the look in her eyes – the hurt and disappointment.
And he couldn’t ignore the fact that she was right. He’d clung to his grief, his guilt, his anger for so long now that he didn’t even know how to let go of it all.
But he had to, didn’t he? He had to if he wanted Timothy to have a happy childhood.
And he had to if he wanted to be happy himself.
Remembering Charlotte didn’t have to mean remembering the tragedy that had led to her death.
He could remember her sweet disposition, her excitement about becoming a mother, and her love for Timothy. For him, too, he supposed though the later years of their marriage had been mired in suffering.
Shouldn’t he find it within himself to honour her memory by letting go of all the pain he’d been clinging to? Hadn’t he been doing her a disservice by only remembering the negatives?
As soon as that thought entered his head, a sense of rightness stole over Philip, and a sudden clarity burst in his mind.
Finally, the walls that he’d built around his heart tumbled to dust. Leaving the past in the past was the only way for him to create a future worth having. The future that he’d walked away from this morning. The future he needed more than air.
He’d run from it a few days ago. Now, he needed to run to it, grab on to it. And never let go.
Heading down the gravel path to the beach, Selina tried to remember all the things she’d loved about her life before.
But her heart wouldn’t be silenced. And she had to admit, to herself at least, that she’d never been happier than the two weeks she’d spent with Timothy and Philip. Without even realising it, she’d begun to think of them all as a family, Agnes, too. If she were brutally honest, she imagined them all here forever, even though she knew it wasn’t possible.
It was her fault that her heart was breaking now. Hers and nobody else’s.
She reached the beach and headed straight for the rocks where she’d first met Timmy and Philip. It seemed a lifetime ago. She was a different person to the one who’d helped the hurt little boy.
Loving a complicated man had changed her. And she’d never be the same.
Selina clambered up the rocks and sat on the flat surface of the biggest, staring out at the