before to keep the smile on her face.
She wanted those things, too. Yet, hadn’t she known they were impossible?
Even before her confrontation with Philip the other morning, she’d known they had no future together.
He’d avoided her in the days since their confrontation, appearing only at mealtimes, not joining her and Timmy during the day as he used to. And fool that she was, she missed him.
Timmy at least had had relatively peaceful nights. Selina had taken to sleeping on a cot in his room and even though she felt Charlotte’s presence lurking, there had been no opportunity to communicate.
Something was different, shifting, changing in the spirit. Selina could feel Charlotte’s hold loosening, growing weaker. Yet, she didn’t know why.
It should be cause for celebration, of course. It gave her hope that even if Philip could never forgive and forget the past, Timmy might at least be free. Charlotte might somehow find the peace to move on.
But seeing the sorrow in the face of a little boy who’d already lived too much of it was hurting Selina’s heart so much that she was finding it nearly impossible to maintain her façade.
“I’ll miss you, Timmy, but your place is in England with your Papa. You have so much to learn about being an earl. And you’ll have school in a few years. You’ve lessons to get back to, and Christmas with your family to look forward to.”
Her voice was brittle to her own ears, and she wasn’t fooling anyone. Not Agnes, who sat with a face like thunder on the other side of the table. Not Cook, who was suspiciously red-eyed and sniffly as she placed a plate of bread and cheese on the table between them. And not herself, whose heart tripped over every traitorous word.
She wanted him to stay. She wanted them both here with her, free of the ghost of poor Charlotte. Free to love and be loved.
Yet, it was impossible for so many reasons.
If her mother’s tale had taught Selina anything, it was that gypsy girls didn’t belong with English lords.
She couldn’t even get the servants in this house to be nice to her, for heaven’s sake! She couldn’t even begin to imagine what a disaster it would be trying to fit into his life.
“I’m afraid of the nightmares when you’re not here, Miss Selina.”
Selina looked up and caught Agnes’s look of sympathy at Timmy’s innocent words. There was no censure in the old lady’s eyes, just pity. But Selina didn’t deserve it. She should have listened to the woman who had seen her mother suffer this.
She had to swallow a lump in her throat before she could even attempt to speak.
“I am going to give your Papa lots of my herbs and medicines to help you,” she said ,with only a slight tremble to her voice. “Now, why don’t you eat up what Cook has made for you and later, we’ll walk down to the rocks on the beach?”
Before she had even given the lad a chance to answer, she was out of her seat and gone from the room.
The tears began to slip free, and Selina was desperate to get to her bedchamber before anyone saw but not two steps from the door, her way was blocked by Mrs. Leary.
Preparing herself for the coming hostility, Selina took a steadying breath before meeting the housekeeper’s eyes.
To her surprise however, it wasn’t hostility or hatred she saw in the other woman’s expression but understanding and even regret.
“I have been – harsh,” Mrs. Leary said suddenly, and Selina nearly staggered from the shock.
“Your father,” she continued, shocking Selina even more. “I became acquainted with him when he stayed here at the manor house.”
That made sense, since Mrs. Leary had been the housekeeper since Selina could remember. She’d never really thought about the fact that the lady must have known her father.
“He and I – that is, at one point I thought perhaps we –“ She stuttered to an awkward halt, but she didn’t need to continue for Selina to understand. The housekeeper had had a tendre for her father. And she didn’t quite know what to say or how to feel about that.
Mrs. Leary shook her head, a derisive smile on her face.
“I was younger,” she said. “Infinitely stupider than I am now. But I truly believed there was an affection there, and then one day –“ She shrugged her shoulders. “He came back here filled with talk of the gypsy woman. I knew then that those affections had