to look at the stars that I’d wished upon so many times. I said a silent plea to whoever was listening and asked for their mercy. I only wanted to feel what it was like to be safe and unconditionally loved. I lost track of how long I laid there. I let the sounds coming from my earphone distract me from my life long enough to linger to that in between stage of coherence and sleep.
The sound of John Meyer’s guitar strumming to “Edge of Desire” brought back memories of a dream I had and I wished I could go back to that night. Wished I had more seconds just to say I’m sorry and that I never meant to be so cold. Someone had to be listening, because he was there next to me and swept me off the floor and into the bed. He wrapped the blanket around me, but everything was so blurry from the tears and alcohol. He sat on the bed next to me and I reached out to place my hand on his face. There was no holding back. The moment of truth was here.
“I wished for so many days, hours, and years to see you again. When you finally came, I dismissed you like you were nothing. I’m so sorry.” I began to sob.
“Shh, it’s OK. Just sleep,” he whispered.
“No, I don’t want to sleep. You won’t be here when I wake up. You’ll leave me again.” I tried with everything to pull him to me, but he kept folding my arms back to the bed. In that moment I just wanted him to take me. The need to make uncontrollable love was taking over, but he kept resisting.
“Sloane, sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise.” He kissed my hands and my cheek.
“No, you have to tell me first…” I easily slipped in and out of sleep. “You have to tell me…”
“Tell you what?” He whispered so close to my ear it sent electric currents through my body. Every nerve stood on edge.
“What am I? Just tell me. Am I really that bad?” I started to sob again.
“Can this wait till you’re coherent?” he asked.
“No! I am tired of people keeping things from me.” I tried to get up, but he pushed me back to the bed. I quit resisting. “Don’t you love me anymore?”
“Sloane, you’ve had too much to drink and you aren’t making any sense.”
“Then tell me and I will go to sleep.” I let him tuck me back in.
“Yes, I love you. I loved you the moment you rolled those eyes at me when you first played hard to get. I loved you the day I made the worst mistake of my life by leaving you here to face everything by yourself. And I love you even though you are with someone else.”
“He’s not as bad as you think.”
“Sloane, sleep.”
“Sleep with me,” I urged.
“Sloane, I hardly think—”
I cut him off. “Beside me, dumbass.”
“Oh.”
I rolled over and felt his arm drape across me. “Declan?”
“Yeah?” he answered.
“Where did you go?”
Silently, he said, “Everywhere that didn’t remind me of you.”
“How did that work out for you?”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Why now?” I asked.
“I told you. When I found out they knew about you, I had to come back.”
“So if these people never found out, you wouldn’t be here now?”
“I don’t know, Sloane.”
I couldn’t help but let a tear slip. Even though I was incapacitated, I knew what was going on. Most of all, I knew what I felt. I would’ve paid dearly for this moment in the morning. I felt cold. The alcohol was wearing off and I felt like someone just threw me in a tub of ice. I shivered and I felt his hold tighten on me.
“I don’t mean to upset you, Sloane. In fact, I tried to watch you from a distance but it didn’t work. We will figure this out.”
“Declan?”
“Sloane, go to sleep.”
And in a matter of moments, I was out. He never explained what the deal was with me and these secretive people. I had to make sure my mental notes were still working so that I could remember to ask him in the morning. I was sure Viktor would be a little pissed about all of this, but someone was going to give me answers. And I wished they could give all kinds of answers, like which guy to choose. There was no doubt that I still loved Declan, and I probably always would.
Chapter 10
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