that she’d also seemed exhausted since we got back.
We took a few more steps and I could feel she was working up to something.
“So, I think I’m a lesbian. I guess. Or something like that. It’s so complicated, and I’m afraid I’m going to lock myself into a label and then if I want to change later I’ll feel trapped. It’s all so much to consider. I know I’m definitely not ready to tell anyone else yet.”
She picked up a small stone, rubbing it free of sand before deciding it was a keeper and sliding it into her shorts pocket.
“So yeah. I’m sort of a lesbian. I think.”
“You can always just use queer if you want.” Not that I was the authority, being cis, alloromantic, and heterosexual.
“Yeah, that might be best for now. Until I can figure out if something fits better. It’s a little different than trying on a sweater.” She laughed softly.
“Yeah, I’m guessing it is.” I didn’t know what she was going through, but I could sympathize, completely.
“And I think once I get a better handle on things, I might like to talk to your aunts. I mean, they feel like my aunts too, since I’m not close with my own family. You kind of absorbed me into yours.”
“It’s true. You assimilated into the O’Connell clan. Your copy of the manual and poster of the family crest is in the mail.” We both laughed about that and the wind whipped her hair in front of her face and I helped her push it back.
“Please don’t tell Gus, okay?” she said.
“Of course. He’s my second-best friend, but you’ll always be my first. Just don’t tell him that.”
Her hair was almost reddish in the light of the sunset.
“I think he already knows he’s second.”
“I’m totally putting that in our vows,” I said.
We resumed walking.
“Have you picked a date yet?”
I made a face. “I’m still hoping that I can pull off an elopement.”
Monty just gave me a look.
“I still need to give you your wedding present. I kind of hid it away with the rest of your shit, but do you think you’d be okay if I gave it to you now? I don’t want you to associate it with the breakup and everything. Shit, can you think of if you’d actually married him?”
Monty closed her eyes. “I think about that all the time. I’ve honestly almost texted TJ and thanked him for cheating on me, as much as it hurt. Because it set me free.” She opened her eyes and tipped her head up, smiling at the clouds.
“I’m happy for you,” I said. “I really am. Plus, no more TJ!” That was something to celebrate in and of itself.
“No more TJ,” she said through a sigh. “Maybe there’s room for someone new. Who knows?”
I stopped walking. “Wait, are you ready to date?” That seemed awfully fast.
“No, no definitely not. Just pondering the possibilities.” She twirled in a circle and started walking backwards.
I didn’t want to think about her dating again. It was bad enough when she’d been with TJ and I’d had to hang out with him. What if she found another person I didn’t like?
“They better get my stamp of approval. I didn’t get to approve TJ and look how that turned out.”
She shrugged and did a little skip. She seemed lighter than she had a few moments ago, and I was glad to see it, but also wary.
“We’ll see,” she said, and then she started running, laughing as her feet kicked up water.
“What are you doing?” I started jogging to keep up with her. A memory flashed of the two of us in half-dry bathing suits, chasing each other down this very beach years before.
I’d lived my whole life beside Monty. There was no life before her that I could remember. She’d always been there, and now things were changing for her. Sure, when she’d been engaged to TJ, I’d known that she was going to get married and that would change things, but my efforts to put that out of my mind as much as I could had been pretty effective. Now that wasn’t happening and I had her all to myself again. But for how long?
“Wait for me!”
Eleven
Monty
I was queer now. Possibly a lesbian. I’d done a lot of looking online to figure it out, and my current hobby was trying to decide which celebrities I found the hottest.
So much was so obvious now. I’d never had one ounce of desire for TJ. When I