honest, and he knew she had finally become vulnerable to him.
When she broke the lock their lips had made, she whispered, “You’ve always been mon soleil rayonnant. But right now I can’t be with you.”
“Stevie? What are you doing?” Roxy, her roommate, asked once she walked into their room.
Stevie didn’t reply as she threw articles of her clothing into her suitcase. Then she quickly went into the bathroom and collected her hairbrush and makeup. When she returned to their bedroom, Stevie dropped them all into her bag. She didn’t care about things like the shampoo and towel she’d brought to Thailand with her.
“Look at me, Stevie. STOP!”
And Stevie did. But she didn’t meet Roxy’s eyes. Instead, she stared at the mess that was inside of her suitcase.
“What are you doing?”
Stevie slowly raised her eyelids and peeked at Roxy’s concerned expression. “I have to leave,” she replied and then closed her case and zipped it. Then she walked to the bedside table drawer and removed her passport.
Roxy’s attempts to stop her from removing her luggage from the bed were a failure. Stevie pulled the handle and sighed.
“I slept with him,” she revealed.
“And?”
Her eyes finally met Roxy’s. “I’m going back to Melbourne. You have a great rest of Schoolies, yeah?”
“Stevie, what happened? Did he… force you?”
Stevie’s stomach twisted at the thought. He hadn’t raped her. It was consensual. Nothing was forced. She had willingly given him her virginity.
“No,” she whispered once she reached the door. Then she turned and attempted a smile. “I fell in love with him.”
“Oh,” Roxy breathed.
“I’ll see you back home, Rox.” And with that goodbye, Stevie exited the hotel room. She’d have the front desk call the shuttle bus for the airport and then she’d be on her way home. She was determined to forget about the man she left to wake alone in that villa filled with their memories.
“You all right?”
Rob’s voice had bile rising up her throat. Stevie had swallowed hard before she looked up from her champagne glass.
“Fine,” she said in a small voice.
“Come on, Stevie. I know you. You isolate yourself when you’re upset. What’s going on with you?” Rob’s hands were on her shoulder, and he turned her body to face him.
His worried blue eyes made her want to vomit. For a year, she had been interested in Rob. But she was too afraid to want more than heavy kisses with him. The guilt swirled and made the nauseated feeling in her worse.
I slept with your brother two days ago.
“Please?” he asked with a glimmer in his eyes.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I might throw up on Rob.
She couldn’t breathe. As hard as she tried, no air filled her lungs. Something in Rob’s eyes flashed. He took the glass out of her hand and placed it on the window seat next to her. Then his hands returned to her shoulders.
“Stevie,” he said in a levelled voice.
“I-I…” she stammered.
I slept with Julian.
Say it.
Just confess.
Oh, my God, I had sex with Julian.
I haven’t slept with anyone since Charles.
“Stevie, you’re scaring the fuck out of me.”
She could tell that he held back the growl in his voice. Rob didn’t want to make a scene at Noel and Clara’s goodbye dinner. It wasn’t a large party, mostly their friends and a few of Clara’s former bakery co-workers. All Stevie wanted to do was stroke Rob’s cheek as she used to and tell him it would all be okay. But she had never felt more disconnected to Robert Moors than she did now.
She faked a smile. “I’m fine.”
I tell lies.
“You don’t—”
“I’m going to get some air,” Stevie interrupted. She didn’t look back at Rob to see if he’d follow her out to the balcony. When she didn’t hear his footsteps, she sighed in relief and sat down on one of the patio chairs.
Gazing out at the Melbourne skyline, she stared at the way the stars twinkled just above the buildings. It wasn’t quite like Thailand. Not as bright. Not as beautiful. But it settled the pressure in her chest and relieved her stomach of the knots. Because whenever she was lost, she did look at the sky and the stars. They had become her direction, hope, and inspiration. Just like Julian had said they would be back in Thailand.
Stevie leant back into her chair and let her eyelids flutter shut. Sex with Julian wasn’t supposed to happen. It was as if she had no control. She had let her heart persuade every ounce of control out of her brain