same pain in his voice. He clears his throat. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
I keep my eyes shut and shake my head. “This isn’t happening,” I murmur quietly to myself. “This isn’t happening.”
“I’m confused, Ellie,” he whispers back, and I don’t need to open my eyes to know that he’s doing that same fidgety thing with his fingernails again. “I’m so confused. I don’t know what to tell you. I wish I had all the answers, but I don’t. I just know that it’s not working. You and me. We’re not working. Something is broken and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know if it can be fixed.”
My eyes snap open. “No!” I shout.
Tristan is completely taken aback. “What?”
“No,” I repeat. “You can’t do this to me again.”
“Again? I don’t under—”
“What is broken?” I demand. “What can’t be fixed?”
He runs his fingers through his hair. “That’s the thing. I don’t know.”
“That’s not an answer,” I fire back.
He blinks in surprise. “I’m sorry, Ellie. I don’t know what else to tell you.”
“Is this about the fight last night?”
He shakes his head. “No.” But I’m not sure I believe him. He doesn’t meet my gaze when he says it.
“Then what?” That’s when my voice cracks. Tears are welling up in my eyes. I thought I might be able to keep them at bay this time, but no such luck. “Then what, Tristan?” I repeat, much softer this time. Much more broken.
“Oh, Ellie.” He grabs my hand and leads me over to a bench. I immediately notice that it’s the exact same bench. This makes me cry harder. He sits next to me, clutching my hand. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It breaks my heart to do this because I really did care for you. I still do. I mean, I always will. We had something good. Really good. Something I’ve never had before. It just … I don’t know … fell apart somehow. I wish it could have been different. I wish I didn’t feel this way. But I do. And I have to stay true to how I feel.”
Then something snaps. I don’t know if it’s the repetitiveness of his words, the familiarity of this scene, the same people passing by and staring at me like I’m a leper, but I can’t take it. I rip my hand from his and launch to my feet.
“No. You don’t get to do this again. You don’t get to say the same stupid things that mean nothing. I want an explanation.”
“Ellie,” Tristan falters. “I—”
“A real one.”
“I … I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do,” I press.
“Well, I mean, you’re a little clingy sometimes. But that’s not—”
“Clingy?!” I shout the word and then quickly lower my voice to an urgent whisper. “I’m not clingy. When have I ever been clingy?”
“Look, I’m not saying that’s the only reason, I’m just…” But he doesn’t finish. He breathes out like he’s surrendering in a war before he stands up, steps toward me, and kisses me gently on the forehead. “I’m sorry, Ellie. I really am.”
Then, with a pitying look on his face, he walks away, leaving me alone all over again.
Come See About Me
9:20 p.m.
I don’t expect to see anyone when I get home, which is why I don’t bother to clean up my mascara-smeared face before skulking through the door. I tiptoe toward the stairs, nearly jumping out of my skin when my dad calls my name from the pitch-black guest room.
Was he just sitting alone in there? In the dark?
I flip on the light switch and that’s when I see that he’s lying in bed. The covers are pulled up around him and he’s propped up against two pillows.
He’s sleeping here.
I’m suddenly reminded of what I heard last night when I returned from the carnival. I came upstairs and my parents were fighting. But that was earlier in the evening. Did they fight again tonight? Did my mom kick him out of their room?
“Are you okay?” he asks me, probably noticing the tear tracks on my face.
“Are you?” I throw the question back at him, nodding toward his bed for the night.
He sighs. “Yeah. Just a little misunderstanding between your mother and me.”
“Little?”
He chuckles. “Your mom has a tendency to overreact.”
“I think it might be genetic.”
“What happened?”
I feel more tears stinging my eyes and I almost tell him. I almost spill it all. How I tried to save my relationship … twice. How I failed … twice. I almost tell him about