They came running out of that side door when I was looking for Hadley. Now I know what they were giggling about.
I run back to my sister and pull her into a hug. I can tell by the stiffness of her body that she’s trying not to cry. She’s trying to stay strong. Stronger than I would have been if I were in her shoes.
“Don’t worry,” I tell her. “Tomorrow we’ll make it right.”
10:02 p.m.
When I get back to my room, Owen is sitting on my bed flipping through my copy of The Book Thief, which he must have found on my bookshelf.
Seeing him in my room brings an onslaught of unwelcome memories. I try to force them from my mind, but they attack from all sides. I can suddenly see Owen in every single version of this day. Bending down to examine my lips in the girls’ bathroom, wishing me good night in Cherokee as he climbs out my window, telling me he likes my outfit as we stand outside the school in the pouring rain, jumping up and down like a lunatic after winning the ring toss game, squeezing my hand on the Ferris wheel.
And last night, telling me that he’s in love with me.
This one hits the hardest. In the most vulnerable spot.
I’m suddenly overwhelmed with relief that he doesn’t remember. That I don’t have to talk about it. Because what would I say? What could I say?
He’s my best friend. My only friend.
Yet somehow it feels like it didn’t even happen. Or rather, it happened between two other people. A different him and a different me.
“This is read,” he accuses, holding up the book and pointing at a dog-eared page.
I let out a soft chuckle. “I know. I read all the book club books.”
I watch his reaction. The shock in his eyes. The revelation of hearing this confession for the first time.
Then I burst into tears.
Owen closes the book with a smack. “What’s the matter?”
I sit down next to him on the bed and hold my head in my hands, sobbing quietly. I can feel Owen’s franticness. He’s trying to figure out what to say, what to do, how to fix it. How to be Owen.
Maybe some things aren’t fixable.
Maybe everything is fixable.
“I have to tell you something,” I murmur between shudders.
Owen grabs Hippo and pushes him into my lap. “We’re listening.”
“It’s something you’re probably not going to believe.”
Owen takes a deep breath, like he’s steeling himself for bad news. “Try me.”
God Only Knows What I’d Be Without You
I’ve confessed my secret to Owen so many times, you would think it would get easier. It doesn’t. I start from the beginning—the first Monday—and I don’t stop talking until I get to this very second. I tell him about Tristan’s text messages, my parents’ fight, my ticket, the fortune cookies, Owen’s dream, Daphne Gray’s attempt to poison me, the election speeches, my history quiz, the carnival, The Girl Commandments, my extreme makeover, yesterday’s rebellion, and even Hadley’s unexplained walk home.
The only parts I leave out are the Ferris wheel and his confession to me last night. Because I just can’t deal with it right now.
When I finish, Owen grabs Hippo from me and squeezes him tightly to his chest. “I think I need this more than you.”
I laugh, but it quickly dissolves into more tears. “I don’t know what to do. I just want my life back. I want to wake up tomorrow and not know what’s going to happen. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought if I could just keep him from breaking up with me, the day would be fixed, but it wasn’t. And now I’m afraid I might be stuck here forever.”
I collapse onto my back, letting the tears roll down the sides of my face.
“Ellie,” Owen says after a long moment, twisting his body to look at me. “You can’t keep changing yourself to please one guy. If he doesn’t love you for who you are, then he’s not worth it.”
I sniffle. “You sound like one of those inspirational GIFs.”
“I happen to like those inspirational GIFs.”
I grin through my tears. “You would.”
He ponders for a moment and then asks, “What exactly did you say that first night?”
“Huh?”
“That first Monday when you wished you could have another chance. What were your exact words?”
I think back, trying to remember. It feels like forever ago. “I didn’t say anything. It was just a thought in my mind.”
“Okay, what did you think?”
I sigh.