belonged there.
That he belonged with me.
As I watched Jude rest against the wall of the elevator, that familiar need inside of me began to grow. The need that was so much more than physical. I couldn’t describe it in any other way than not feeling whole unless I was around him.
I pushed away from the wall. Jude opened his eyes to watch my approach but didn't move. As I came to a stop before him, there were a thousand things I wanted to say to him. More than anything, I wanted to tell him how madly in love with him I'd fallen, but I knew those words were very likely to send him running. Hell, they scared the shit out of me.
So I didn't say anything at all and instead leaned down and brushed a kiss over his right cheek. I let my lips linger for a moment before I kissed the left one. Jude let out a little sigh and then his fingers were searching out mine. I was aware of the elevator beeps in the background that told me we were close to his floor, so when I did finally press a kiss to his mouth, I kept it brief.
When the elevator came to a stop, I was forced to step back from Jude. He dropped my hand which bothered me more than I wanted to admit, though I knew why he’d done it.
I never showed him affection when other people were around unless it was my family. From the moment I'd touched Jude, I’d broken a cardinal rule of my profession.
Don’t get emotionally involved with the client.
How many times had I repeated that message to the guys I worked with?
I was a hypocrite and I knew it. And yet, I couldn't walk away from him. Sure, I could've found someone skilled enough to keep him safe while I pursued a relationship with Jude, but I didn't want anyone else watching him. I wanted it to be me. I wanted to spend every moment with him that I could. I was certain that no one could protect him like I could. However, if one of my guys had come to me with the exact same dilemma, I would have told them there was a reason we didn’t get emotionally involved with our charges… emotion meant lack of objectivity and that meant mistakes.
Mistakes that got people killed.
Jude deserved better than that. Truth be told, I was afraid of what would happen if I told him I couldn’t protect him anymore but that I wanted to keep seeing him. The job was the only link I had to him. I couldn’t risk losing him. Not yet. Not when our relationship was still so tenuous.
I found myself reaching out to run my fingers along Jude’s in silent apology just as the elevator doors opened. When he returned the touch, I knew we were okay, at least for now. But I still felt like an asshole. I kept up the contact only long enough for us to step off the elevator since I couldn't risk letting whoever was assigned to watch Jude’s apartment see us together.
Only, when we stepped off the elevator, there was no one outside his door. I immediately put out my arm to stop Jude’s forward movement. He came to a dead stop and allowed me to move in front of him as I pulled my gun. At nearly the same time, the door to the apartment next to Jude’s opened. It was the apartment Clifton Hayes had purchased for me to use when I’d first started shadowing Jude.
The sight of Johnny stepping out of the apartment made me see every shade of red. I hadn't seen the cocky upstart since the day I'd made an example out of him in the boxing ring. That had been the day I'd discovered Mike's business was in trouble and that I would be protecting Jude. I’d taken my frustrations out on a couple of the guys who’d been gutsy enough to step into the ring with me. Johnny had been the first and he’d gone down fast and hard.
"What the hell?" I snapped as I put my gun away.
"What?" Johnny asked with irritation. "I had to take a piss. You didn't want me marking the guy’s door, did you?" he added as his eyes shifted to Jude. Rage bubbled up inside me.
"Oh yeah, that's right, someone's already marked their territory," Johnny added with a sneer.
The innuendo served only to piss me