show tomorrow night if he didn’t. He also planned on ditching the torturous shoes for a tried and true pair that were already broken in.
I’m getting too old for this shit.
He supposed thirty-eight was hardly old, but eighteen grueling years of touring made it seem that way. He also supposed that the high energy, over the top performances he gave contributed to his state. Zen grunted to himself. He couldn’t keep that shit up forever.
Zen rubbed his eyes with his knuckles, then remembered he still had his make-up on. He chuckled to himself. He’d already sweated half the shit off anyway, and he certainly wasn’t planning on going anywhere. His after-show partying days were long gone.
In the beginning, things had been different. They hit big almost out of the gate, and he’d been too young to handle the abrupt lifestyle change. It seemed like one minute he’d been living in a run-down apartment on the west side of Altadena with Sal and Marlon, bussing tables at a shitty coffee shop to try and scrape a few bucks together to rent an even more run down rehearsal room. Then the next, he’d been handed a six-figure advance and was topping the charts. Celebrating success by getting high and drowning in alcohol had seemed like the thing to do at the time.
Zen rolled out of bed with a groan then headed to the bathroom to run the tub. He winced the moment the balls of his feet hit the carpet. He made his way across the suite, the one luxury he allowed himself these days when on tour. Paying out of his own pocket to have a quiet space was more important to him than other amenities. This way, he could meditate in the morning and unwind after a show without interruption, have a safe space to get his head back on straight.
Zen rifled through his grooming kit and grabbed the aromatherapy oil blend he preferred for relaxation and added several drops once he got the tub going. He inhaled the combined scent of patchouli, cedar and sage, the aroma immediately bringing him to a state of peace. The embrace of the hot water would complete the task and he’d be ready to crash soon after.
Zen shut off the water then climbed into the water, letting out a satisfied sigh as he sunk into the bath. He’d always been a sensual man, been drawn to anything that helped him to immerse in his senses. Music, art, food, sex, smell and touch. Then once he’d given up the negative influences of drugs and hard liquor, he’d returned to the lifestyle he’d enjoyed prior to the band’s success, recapturing his spiritual side and once again embracing clean living.
As the heated water eased the soreness in his joints, he mused that he should send out his assistant to get him more Epsom salts at their next stop. He’d have to add it to the list. Zen’s thoughts drifted to the various aspects of the tour so far, how well the record was doing and his surprise that Sal had been holding it together as well as he had.
He hated to be negative, but he’d been down this road before with Sal. He had to admit he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. As much as he’d told himself to leave things be, his mind turned to the situation with Braylin.
Zen frowned, his chill disrupted by the errant thought. Braylin wasn’t a situation, but he couldn’t be what Zen wished for him to be either. He groaned then sat up, his deep relaxation trashed and leaving him with a tightness in his chest.
Why couldn’t he simply accept that any entanglement with Braylin was a terrible idea? Why couldn’t he find a guy on Grindr, get his rocks off and forget about the tempting morsel that wouldn’t get out of his head?
Because, despite the fact that nothing was going on between him and Braylin—and likely never would—the idea of fucking another man, or worse, Braylin finding out, made him feel as if he was cheating on him.
I’ve lost my damn mind.
Zen sighed as he rubbed his poor, sad feet, back to wondering if he should have a talk with Braylin. After Sal’s horrible behavior opening night, Braylin had been avoiding everyone in the band, but Zen especially. Zen ached to speak with Braylin, to reassure him that even though he was attracted to him, his intention had never been to use Braylin then toss him