you let Haygood do it too. Don’t you, like, feel like a total slut now?”
“But I didn’t…”
“Oh, come on, Gilla. We all saw how you were looking at Roger.”
Liar! Can such a liar live? The thought hissed through Gilla, strong as someone whispering in her ear.
“You know,” Clarissa said, “you’re even kinda pretty. If you just lost some weight, you wouldn’t have to throw yourself at all those guys like that.”
Gilla felt her face go hot. Her mouth filled with saliva. She was suddenly very aware of little things: the bite of her bra into her skin, where it was trying to contain her fat, swingy breasts; the hard, lumpy memory of the cherry pit slipping down her throat; the bristly triangular hedge of her hair, bobbing at the base of her neck and swelling to cover her ears. Her mouth fell open, but no words came out.
“He doesn’t even really like you, you know.” Clarissa smirked at her and sauntered past her into the bathroom.
She couldn’t, she mustn’t still be there when Clarissa got out of the bathroom. In the awkward wedge heels, she clattered her way down the stairs like an elephant, her mind a jumble. Once in the downstairs hallway, she didn’t head back towards the happy, warm sound of laughter and music in the living room, but shoved her way out the front door.
It was even darker out there, despite the porch light being on. Foster was out on the porch, leaning against the railing and whispering with someone. Tanya, shivering in the short sundress she was wearing, was staring wide-eyed at Foster and hanging on every word. “And then,” Foster said, gesturing with his long arms, “I grabbed the ball from him, and I…” He turned, saw Gilla. “Hey girl, what’s up?”
Tanya looked at her like she was the insurance salesman who’d interrupted her dinner.
“I, Foster,” stammered Gilla. “What’s calumny mean?”
“Huh?” He pushed himself upright, looking concerned. “’Scuse me, Tanya, okay?”
“All right,” Tanya said sulkily. She went inside.
Gilla stood in the cold, shivering. That liar! He has no right!
Foster asked again, “What’s up?”
“Calumny. What’s it mean?” she repeated.
“I dunno. Why?”
“I think it means a lie, a really bad one.” He and his toadies. If you find a nest of vipers, should you not root it out? “It just came to me, you know?” Her thoughts were whipping and thrashing in the storm in her head. We never gave them our favor!
Foster came and put a hand on her shoulder, looked into her eyes. “Gilla, who’s telling lies? You gonna tell me what’s going on?”
The warmth of her friend’s palm through the cloth of her blouse brought her back to herself. “Damn, it’s cold out here!”
Something funny happened to Foster’s face. He hesitated, then opened his arms to her. “Here,” he said.
Blinking with surprise, Gilla stepped into the hug. She stopped shivering. They stood there for a few seconds, Gilla wondering what, what? Should she put her arms around him too? Were they still just friends? Was he just warming her up because she was cold? Did he like her? Well of course he liked her, he hung out with her and Kashy during lunch period at school almost every day. Lots of the guys gave him the gears for that. But did he like her like that? Did she want him to? By your own choice, never by another’s. What was she supposed to do now? And what was with all these weird things she seemed to be thinking all of a sudden?
“Um, Gilla?”
“Yeah?”
“Could you get off my foot now?”
The laughter that bubbled from her tasted like cherries in the back of her throat. She stepped off poor Foster’s abused toes, leaned her head into his shoulder, giggling. “Oh, Foster. Why didn’t you just say I was hurting you?”
Foster was giggling too, his voice high with embarrassment. “I didn’t know what to say, or what was the right thing to do, or what.”
“You and me both.”
“I haven’t held too many girls like that before. I mean, only when I’m sure they want me to.”
Now Gilla backed up so she could look at him better. “Really? What about Tanya?”
He looked sheepish, and kind of sullen. “Yeah, I bet she’d like that. She’s nice, you know? Only…”
“Only what?” Gilla sat on the rail beside Foster.
“She just kinda sits there, like a sponge. I talk and I talk, and she just soaks it all up. She doesn’t say anything interesting back, she doesn’t tell me about anything she