feet. Although I still ache, I can at least move and so don’t struggle too much while pulling my pants back up and slipping my arms back into my shirt. It was probably foolish to even consider sex considering how tender I am right now, but now I feel even worse.
Because he’s right. As much as I like him and want to be intimate with him—and man do I want to in the worse way—I can’t excuse the fact that as things stand right now I would still be doing it with every intention of walking away from him. I hate that I even entertained the thought of doing that, and am embarrassed for it.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur as I finish dressing as fast as possible.
He doesn’t say anything, but when I’m fully dressed, I face Eliph only to find him once again in his fetch form, his eyes watching me. I don’t know what else to say to him and feel an inexplicable sharp pressure in my heart that makes my breath ragged and my eyes tear. It is ridiculous that his silent rebuke in his fetch form is affecting me so strongly, but I can’t help but feel like something is damaged now between us that I can’t see a way of mending. Thankfully, I’m saved from having to come up with something to break the silence that has fallen between us when Grimsal bursts through the trees. He takes one look at us and nods.
“Looks like we’re ready to get going, then,” he remarks.
“It seems so,” I agree quietly.
Eliph takes position at my left as Grimsal falls in at my right, sandwiching me between the goblin and unicorn as we start out again.
Chapter 20
Eliph
Even in my fetch form, I ache for my mate in more ways than one. When she made the offer to be intimate with me, no matter how much I wanted it, it hurt so much that for a moment I couldn’t breathe. It pains my heart that in many ways she’s still rejecting me. I had hoped that despite it being only a couple of days that she might have begun to develop feelings for me. Now I feel foolish for even hoping for that and try to content myself with the knowledge that she is now beginning to see a desirable male and not just one she wishes to be rid of. It is some progress, but it still feels like a knife lodged deep into my heart.
I am not sure if she can tell the way I am feeling or not. If she mentally reached out to me, she would have known that I am swinging between devastated and needy, but I am also glad that she does not since I do not want her to know how vulnerable her statement made me feel. Let her think it is nothing more than what I said and that I wasn’t gutted by my lovely magic-bonded mate.
Despite the pain her words have brought me, part of me still wants to accept her offer with the hope that, if I give her enough pleasure, she will never wish to part from me. My body urges me to do it, attempting to convince my mind and injured heart that this indeed will work.
Unfortunately, I have come to understand my lovely mate too well already. She is too untrusting. All the pleasure in the world won’t change that, so I must swallow my hurt and be a bit wilier than that. I must fight for her—for us—with every skill I possess.
Although she desires me, she does not believe in the unfailing strength of a unicorn’s bond, of my bond to my mate. So, even though it is true that I believe it would disrespect both our bodies and our bond if I were to take her up on her offer, I also strategically deny her the easy path of just taking pleasure with me. I want her to look closer at her desire for me so that she will see the worthy, dependable mate that is in front of her…and to wholly choose me. I want a lifetime of love.
It is foolish to hope so, but I am not so easily defeated. I won’t give up until the last trick is played out to its conclusion, whatever it may be.
At my side, Steph glances around at the trees with curiosity, and I allow myself to enjoy her simple pleasure in the southern forest. It is indeed