his cock that’s in the mood. All of him seems to be on board and interested as much as I am.
I lick my lips with anticipation. Already, my imagination is three steps ahead, as I picture what delightful things he might do. His lips are thick and kissable, and I just know that they will feel wonderful in many places.
“Well, if that’s the case,” I whisper, “what if we make the best out of this situation we’re in and enjoy ourselves a bit?”
He glances up at me, his ears tipping forward.
“I do not understand. You wish to enjoy the situation? Have you decided to become my mate?”
I balk. Is that what he’s expecting? To go straight from sex to forever? A panicked ‘No, no, no, no,’ echoes through my mind as I struggle to find the right words to say that don’t sound like I’m only interested in using him. Because that’s not what I want.
I actually like him and want to get closer to him… I just can’t risk my heart on a promise of commitment. It’s better to go in no strings attached then be disappointed. I’m not ready for what he’s asking for. It’s just too much for me right now.
“Actually,” I manage to say around the boulder of panic lodged in my throat, “I was just thinking there’s no reason to deny the urges we have. It’s natural and all. Besides, I really do like you and just want you to know that I’m open to exploring something a little more intimate as we enjoy each other’s company.”
His eyes bore into me and I swear that there is interest in his eyes as they drift lazily over me, heating with brighter sparks of amethyst in their depths. His horn brightens, but he shakes his head.
“No?” I ask in disbelief.
Wait… He doesn’t want me now?
“No,” he agrees as he looks away to grab a cloth from the bag Grimsal left beside me.
That shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, but I feel the sharp prick of disappointment anyway even as I mentally call myself a fool. Of course he doesn’t. He didn’t choose me and is about to be free of me soon… Why the hell would he want to get closer to me when he’s experiencing an inconvenient side effect of our bond? Hell, I might be too, for all I know, but the loss I’m feeling right now is definitely real.
It’s a good reminder that I’m just not the type that attractive men choose. Wanting me because of a bond isn’t the same as just choosing to be with me because he wants to be… and I’m selfish enough to want the latter. I want him to choose me because he wants to be with me regardless of how long it lasts. For once, I want to be chosen for me and not as a means to an end.
I blink back the tears that threaten to spill and smile as he begins to wipe me down in a very clinical manner. I’m left to my confusion as he removes the rest of the poultice. He rinses the rag under a stream of water he pours from a pouch, before wringing it out and storing it once more. Only then does he meet my eyes again.
“Make no mistake, ahandral, you are mine for as long as this bond exists between us, and I want you with every fiber of my being, but what you offer me is impossible. I want forever—not just for now. To accept less devalues the ahandral magic between us, lessens my worth as well as yours because of that. You are not just any female to me, and I can’t pretend that you are. That I am so easy to pick up and set aside like any other male is painful, but I accept it since you’ve been clear as to what you want. It is better to not know your touch than to be toyed with and set aside. That would be cruel and wound me worse than what the naga had planned for me. So, as it stands, I can’t lay with you. I am sorry. But I will be here for you and protect you and care for you. I can give you everything except that.”
I stare at him speechless as he stands and extends a hand to me. Uncertain of what else to do, I put my hand in his and allow him to pull me to my