care of Chase or…you know…it’s like I completely forget he’s Declan’s brother. He’s just Connor, you know? But he’s not just Connor—he’s Connor Kelly. And just because I can forget about it sometimes, doesn’t mean it’s not fucking weird.”
“And as I keep trying to tell you, the only person who thinks that is you.”
I’m about to reply when I see Ben’s phone vibrating on the table with a text notification. He glances at it for a moment and then puts it down, smiling at me. “Speak of the devil—Heath and Declan will be here in a sec.
Fuck. I lean forward, hissing at Ben, “I swear to god, if you say anything—”
He holds his hands up in a placating gesture. “I won’t, I promise.”
A moment later, I see Declan and Heath entering the bar, holding hands; but they’re not alone. My eyes immediately zero in on the figure trailing after them; he looks sexy as hell bundled up in his winter coat, with a grey wool hat on his head. I just can’t seem to take my eyes off him as he strips off his outer layer, and I may or may not let out an actual sigh as I catch sight of the thin black sweater that hugs every single muscle of his torso absolutely perfectly.
I’m snapped out of my daze by my phone vibrating in my pocket. I quickly pull it out and check the text.
Ben Ryland: You’re drooling
I glance across the table to see Ben smirking at me. Asshole.
“Hey, hope you guys don’t mind—Connor was free tonight so I asked him if he wanted to tag along,” Dec says.
“I don’t think Josh minds,” Ben says. “Ow!”
“Sorry, my foot slipped.”
They hang up their coats and pile into the booth, and I end up with Connor right next to me. I can barely concenrtrate on the conversation around me because the feel of Connor’s thick thigh pressed against mine is so fucking distracting. But he doesn’t try anything; there’s no sneaky groping under the table, no lingering looks. There’s not even really any flirting. He’s perfectly nice and friendly, but it’s not the same…and it gives me painful insight into what our relationship would be like if I decide to choose door number two: one night only.
My eyes land on Declan and Heath across the booth, noting the way Heath is nestled in close to Dec’s side, while Dec has his arm strewn lazily around his husband’s shoulder. It makes me wonder what it’d be like if I could just lean in and let Connor hold me like that. It’d be nice. And it’d feel totally normal. And I know Declan wouldn’t bat an eye at the sight.
So maybe that’s not the reason I’ve been stalling. Maybe that’s just the reason I’ve been using to stop myself addressing my actual concern.
After we finish up with drinks, Connor and I both linger behind. Declan and Heath are too wrapped up in each other to notice anything unusual, and of course Ben doesn’t make any comment—although he does offer a raised eyebrow before heading toward the subway.
“Say hi to Noel for me!” I call after him, in a tone I have to admit is not entirely sincere. That’s probably why I get a rude gesture in response.
“Um, why did he flip you off just now?” Connor asks, his brow furrowed in confusion.
I let out a soft laugh. “It’s kind of a long story.”
“You don’t like his boyfriend?” he asks curiously as we begin to walk down the street in no particular direction.
I shrug. “He’s a nice enough guy. I’m just not sure he’s right for Ben.”
Connor nods. “Gotcha.”
“Can I ask you something?” I look at him curiously. “Why haven’t you told anyone in your family you’re into guys as well?”
He offers me a slight smirk. “I haven’t told anyone I’m not into guys as well. And if someone asked me I wouldn’t lie about it.”
“You wouldn’t?”
He shakes his head. “Nope.”
“Huh.”
“Is that something you’re concerned about?” he asks. His tone is casual but I can tell the answer is important. “That I’m sort of ‘closeted’?”
“Maybe a little,” I admit. “But that’s not why it’s taking me so long to make up my mind about us.”
He lets out a heavy sigh. “Right…Declan.”
“No, that’s not...” I shake my head in frustration. “That’s not it. Not exactly. I realized tonight my issue isn’t about you being my ex’s brother.”
“So what is it?” he asks with a completely adorable furrow in his brow.
I let out a heavy