into my back as I remain trapped in Conner’s icy gaze. His injuries are even worse up close.
“You can’t keep doing this,” I whisper.
“Why?” he spits. “Because I’m weak? Because I’m the brother that always finishes last?”
“Conner...” I gasp. “You know that isn’t true.”
“Do I? You picked him... after we...” He can’t even say the words. “You picked him. I thought you were my girl. And then you went and crushed everything by choosing him.”
“I didn’t... that’s not what happened.” I can still remember it as clear as day. After we had sex, Conner freaked out. He pulled away. “You changed after we...”
“I’d just taken my best friend’s V card, the girl I was head over heels in love with who had no fucking idea how I felt.”
“What?” I rear back, his words like a wrecking ball to my stomach.
Conner loved me.
He loved me.
But it makes no sense. He pulled away, acting all weird. It had been the single best night of my life and then—
Oh God.
“Hey.” Conner hovers awkwardly, his eyes darting around me.
“Hey,” I say, butterflies fluttering wildly in my stomach. I can still feel his lips on my skin, his weight pressing me into the mattress. Heat rushes into my cheeks.
“So, I... we should probably talk.” He runs a hand over his head and down the back of his neck. He’s nervous.
Oh God, he’s going to tell me it was a mistake.
I feel sick.
“What’s there to talk about?” I force a smile. “It was just sex, Conner. You’re my best friend and you did me a favor. Now I don’t have to worry about my first time.”
“Just sex?” His eyes flash with something, but then he’s smiling at me in that goofy way of his. “Uh, yeah, right. I’m glad to be of service. Anytime you want to do it again, just holler.”
“Ew. Gross.” I nudge his shoulder with mine, laughing. Can he hear the moment my heart breaks? Sex was supposed to bring us closer, but there’s this new distance between us. And I hate it.
His eyes are heavy on my face as he opens his lips to say something—
“Kennedy, Jagger.” Warren saunters over to us, shooting me a wolfish grin. “What’s up?”
“N-nothing,” I rush out. “We were just talking. I was just thanking Conner for uh... a little problem he helped me with me.”
“Yeah.” He stands. “That’s me, helpful guy.”
“You seem uptight, dude. You need to get laid,” Warren chuckles. “I saw Jemma Standing checking you out in math.”
Jealousy burns through me as I watch Conner out of the corner of my eye.
“Jemma’s okay, I guess.” He shrugs, his gaze darting to mine.
What is happening right now?
“We should all go out. The four of us,” Warren suggests, and I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole.
“You and Kenny?” Conner asks coolly, and Warren shrugs.
“Stranger things have happened.”
“You... loved me?”
“Are you that fucking blind, Kenny?” The words are barbed and lethal, cutting me wide open.
“But you just let Warren move in on me. You stood by and did nothing...” But as I say the words, I know they’re a lie.
“You told me it was just sex. You said that, K. You broke me.” He jabs his fingers at me, hatred swirling in his eyes. “You did that.”
“I didn’t—"
“Conner, let’s go,” Ace calls from down the hall. His voice is like a bucket of cold water and I stagger back, bumping into someone.
“Hey, watch it,” the guy hisses.
“Sorry,” I mumble.
Conner starts to leave, but I call his name. His eyes slide to mine and what I see there will haunt me for the rest of my life.
I watch as he walks away from me.
Taking the jagged shards of my heart with him.
The rest of the week isn’t much better. Conner is like a ghost in the halls at school. If he sees me, he turns around and goes the other way. Hadley barely looks in my direction, and Cole, Ace, and Remi all give me space.
I never felt a part of their inner circle, but I didn’t feel pitted against them. Now it feels like a line has been drawn, and I’m on one side and they’re on the other.
I barely sleep. Every night, I lie there replaying that conversation over and over in my head. I’d been so certain Conner was going to tell me it was a mistake, that he didn’t want to ruin our friendship, that I’d beaten him to it.
I’d lied.
The truth taunts me. It haunts my broken sleep and