was it about the red-faced girl with hair the color of her mother’s that made him forget it all? He pointed to the empty chair across from him and Lexi sat down. He waited for her to answer.
She played with the fringe around a hole near the hem of her shorts. “I’m sorry I spilled the paint. I just turned around and—”
“It all went on the drop cloth.”
Finally she looked up, sunlight sparkling on unshed tears. “You’re trying to get permanent guardianship.”
Jake nodded.
“Just you, or you and Grandma?”
“Just me. You know Grandma would love to have you.”
“But it would be hard on her. I know.”
“I haven’t told you guys because I didn’t want you to get your hopes up. We don’t know how things will turn out.”
“What if we just say we want to live with you and not Ben? Won’t they listen to us?” A tear spilled from each eye and rolled slowly down freckled cheeks. Lexi swiped them away.
“They might. It sure won’t hurt. But you’re not quite old enough to appoint your own guardian.”
“How old would we have to be?”
“Fourteen.”
“What if Ben gets us and adopts us before that?”
“What they will listen to is you and Adam telling the truth about anything bad Ben has done to you. Any time he’s hurt either one of you or said things to make you feel bad about yourself.” He crumpled the empty can and tossed it. “You need to start being honest, Lex.”
“But what if he says bad things about you? What if we tell things about him, and then he tells things about you, and the court decides we can’t be either place and splits us up and puts us in different foster homes?” Her face crumpled. Tears poured.
Jake’s hands seized into fists. What kind of garbage was Ben filling their minds with? “Lex, there’s nothing he can say—”
“He knows things about you. What if he tells the judge that you got tickets for drunk driving or that you used to be Goth and you took drugs and got in a car accident?”
Closing his eyes, Jake breathed away fear. He’d had two DUIs before he was twenty. The car accident wasn’t his fault, though they’d both been drinking, and he’d smoked pot his first year in college then came to his senses and hadn’t touched it since. Old stuff. None of it would affect his chances—unless Ben had a lawyer who tried to make his past an issue. What scared him was knowing that Ben wasn’t as passive as he’d assumed. “Lex…” He tried to steady his voice, but it didn’t work. “All of that happened years ago. I was young and stupid. No judge is going to take that into consideration.”
“But it’s all true, isn’t it?”
Staring over her head at the little green tent, he sighed. “Yes. It’s all true.”
Jake stood on the second rung of the ladder in Emily’s new master bath, twisting wires and sorting through all Lexi had said. And not said.
“Would the judge think you could take care of us better if you were married?” she’d asked.
He’d answered her honestly. “Maybe.”
Lexi had smiled then. “I think so, too.” And then she’d asked if they were done talking and ran off to call Naomi.
“The judge isn’t the only one,” he muttered as he stripped a wire for the ceiling fan. Every encounter with Lexi over the past few weeks deepened his conviction that he wasn’t equipped to raise her alone. Adam he could handle, but he’d had no experience with the weird hormonal stuff.
Connecting the two black wires, he smiled at the irony. For the kids’ sake he’d tried to keep some emotional distance from Emily. Now, for the kids’ sake, he felt almost compelled to pursue her. As he loosened a screw in the mounting base, he worked on his side of a conversation he hoped to have after supper. I know you’re leaving, but—
The screen door banged downstairs. Jake sighed and mounted the antique-looking motor housing. He wasn’t up for any more twelve-year-old drama. Slow footsteps probably meant she was in tears again. “I’m in here.”
The sound stopped and he turned. The screwdriver slipped from his hand and hit the floor. “Emily. You scared me.”
“Sorry.” Her tone was flat, her face drawn.
He climbed down. “Hi.” He wasn’t sure what was supposed to follow that. “Do you like it? I can put the blades in so you can get the full effect.”
She shook her head. “It’s fine.”
Fine. It was a code word with