But if things had worked out the way she’d planned, they’d all be happy. And Emily would be in California.
She hated the selfish person she was turning into. But it was really just her survivor instincts that made her like this. If nobody else was worried about her future, she had to be. Maybe Adam could just drift along like it didn’t matter where they lived, but she couldn’t. Of course they wouldn’t end up on the street, but what kind of a life would they have living with Grandma forever? By the time they graduated from high school Grandma Blaze would be an old lady. Who wants to bring friends over if the person you live with keeps her teeth in ajar in the bathroom?
Maybe it was time she told Jake about her plan. He’d like it because it would be way better for him than living in an ugly black room in his mother’s basement. He loved his niece and nephew as much as a lot of fathers loved their own kids, and he spent more time with them than any real dad she knew. And she and Adam wouldn’t be any trouble. Adam would mow the lawn and shovel snow and she’d cook and do dishes. She’d even babysit to buy her own clothes.
It didn’t have to be a really huge house. She could give up her dream room with its big arched windows and the bed that looked like a tree house. She wouldn’t mind sacrificing if the three of them could be a family.
She snapped a green crayon.
She had to get Emily out of the picture.
October 15, 1852
“Venison stew.” Hannah handed the bowl to the emaciated man as Papa covered his shoulders with a blanket. “It’ll warm you.”
“Thank you. God bless your kindness.”
Papa sat on the bench across from the man who called himself George. “How long have you been on the road?”
“Since las’ snow.” He kept his eyes on the soup bowl. “Stayed on awhile near Springfield. Buried my little girl there.”
Hannah’s breath caught in her throat. “I’m so sorry. How old was she?”
“Only saw ten summers. Los’ my wife las’ summer tryin’ to give birth once again.”
Papa put his hand on the man’s back. “I lost my wife to the fever last year, but I can’t imagine the heartache of losing a child.”
George’s head swayed from side to side. “Shoulda stayed. My sister told me to stay. I left her ‘n’ my mother. I couldn’t stand the thought of one more plantin’, but maybe my Mariah’d still be here if I’d stayed. They’d’a brought the doctor so’s not to lose her.”
“Was it the fever?” Papa’s eyes pooled with tears.
“Infection took my girl. They can take the strap to me. Won’t stand for it with my own. Still, they wouldn’ta let her die … like I did.”
Hannah took a step forward. “The infection came from a whipping?”
“Yes’m.”
Fingernails biting the flesh of her hands, Hannah kneeled at the man’s feet. “You must not blame yourself. Not for one minute. You took your daughter away to save her from further beatings. You did the right thing. It was their fault.” The figure in her mind, face distorted like an angry, hateful mask, arm raised to crack a whip, resembled Liam’s father. “The man who lashed her is the guilty one.”
Papa raised his hand to still her. “Are you a God-fearing man, George?”
“Wouldn’ta lived long ‘nuf to see my baby born if’n I weren’t. Lawd’s been good in spite of the bad.”
“Then I think we ought to pray.”
George folded large, work-worn hands. Papa closed his eyes. “Heavenly Father, we come before Thee with heavy hearts. Great evil has been done to this man and his family. We ask for Your peace to flood his heart and, Lord, hard as it is, we ask for forgiveness to flow like the breath we…”
Hannah clenched her hands together, but couldn’t form words into a prayer.
“Amen.” George wiped his face with both hands. “Miss Hannah, may I give you something?”
“You don’t need—”
“I want you to have this.” Scarred fingers reached into a pocket in his frayed coat. “I was workin’ on a set of animals for my little girl. Noah’s animals. Two by two.” His gaze wandered far from the small room. He pulled out a tiny, intricately carved frog. “I’ll keep the other one for ‘memberance, but I want you to have this one.”
As she held out her hand, it shook with the sobs she could no longer control. “I