Grasping the rust-orange railing, she followed the tree-lined curve of the river. The water barely made a sound, so different from her first glimpse of it. Like her, it was peaceful. Unlike her, it was calm and steady.
Her present life felt like a photograph of a moving object, blurry and out of focus, yet fascinating. Not all of her brain chemicals had gotten the message that life had done a one-eighty. She still woke every morning feeling physically and emotionally stiff. And then she’d remind herself Sierra and Dawn Anne knew and forgave her, God knew and loved her anyway, Jake knew and couldn’t seem to keep his eyes, or his self-controlled hands, off her. Catching up to her new reality would take time.
A red-tailed hawk swooped low over the water. Farther down the bridge railing, two gray squirrels chased each other. Thoughts of a possible future swooped and scampered along with the wildlife. The whole morning had been a game of Let’s Pretend. Anyone who passed the four of them on the bike trail would have thought they were one small, happy family. Lord, can it be? She leaned into the arms circling her from behind. “How do you think the kids are doing?”
“They’re scared. Adam’s like me—he hides it by being the funny guy. Lex is hard to read. Must be that girl junk.”
“It does get in the way. Have the authorities asked them what they want?”
“The kids haven’t told us, and with all the privacy stuff, we can’t ask what they’ve said.”
“You know they want to be with you.”
“But are they too scared to be honest? Mom’s told them it will help if they detail everything Ben’s ever done, but you can see the fear in their eyes. What if Ben still has access to them if I get guardianship? Can you imagine how freaked out they must be?”
Emily turned in his arms and stared into troubled eyes. “Two more days and you’ll know.”
“Yeah.” His lips skated the length of her nose. “You’re coming with me, aren’t you?”
“To the hearing? Is that allowed?”
He nodded.
“Of course.”
“Know what?”
“What?”
“I’m glad we decided to live while we’re waiting for life to begin.”
Lifting her lips to meet his, Emily murmured her assent. “Me, too.”
Lexi pulled the plastic wrap off the gigantic bowl of potato salad and carried it out the back door and down the steps. Her feet acted like they were magneted to the ground. This didn’t feel like a fun Sunday picnic.
A car door slammed. Naomi, all tanned from the vacation Lexi should have gone on with her, ran up and hip-bumped her. “You shoulda been with us!”
“Tell me about it.”
Naomi bounced her curls in the direction of the grill where Jake flipped burgers and Emily turned the hot dogs and brats. Like that took two people. “Your plan’s not doing so great, huh? Or did you decide you like her?”
“Never.”
“She seems really nice. And she and Jake kinda look like they belong together. I bet if you gave her a chance—”
“Don’t you get it? Doesn’t anybody get it? It doesn’t matter that she’s nice. She’d wreck everything, mess everything up. And what about our plan? Your mom’s coming, isn’t she? That’s why she was invited to this stupid thing.”
Naomi looked down at the daisies on her toenails. “I got some bad news.” Her nose wrinkled like it did when she smelled peanut butter. The news couldn’t be all that bad—something she didn’t like, but didn’t hate either.
“What?” Any news would get her mind off tomorrow. And tonight.
“Are you ready for this?”
Lexi rolled her eyes. “I won’t know until you tell me.”
“My mom’s got a boyfriend. She’s been e-mailing the guy she went out with in high school and I didn’t know it, but our vacation was at the Dells so my grandma and I could meet him. It would have been so cool if it woulda worked out for you and me to …”
Lexi was good at smiling on the outside. It didn’t take much work at all anymore. Naomi followed her into the house and babbled while she took the cheese out of the fridge and arranged it on a plate. She babbled while she opened three bags and dumped them in bowls. She was still going on and on about the boyfriend and his two gorgeous teenage sons and his big house up north when they sat down to eat.
Emily hung the clean barbeque fork on the grill and pointed at the circle of chairs around the