until Matty leaves for college before you function as a human being again?” Jenny arched an eyebrow.
“That’s the plan.” Stella said stubbornly.
“I don’t know, Aidan might not wait around another four years,” Jenny pointed out. “Don’t you worry what you’re missing out on?”
Stella went about her day, but Jenny’s question lingered. What she said made sense: Dating didn’t have to be such a big deal now that Matty was older, so why was it that the thought of inviting someone into their lives – into her heart – gave Stella such a queasy feeling in her stomach?
The truth was, Stella had skipped that stage in her life – the part where everyone went out, and hooked up, and had their hearts broken and mended a dozen times over. She’d been at home, nursing a colicky infant; arranging play dates; building papier-mâché forts.
She had exactly zero experience falling in love.
No, she’d kept the men in her life at arm’s length, relegated to summer flings, or out-of-town arrangements. And even when she had felt that spark, and wondered if it could be more… Well, they’d made it clear that fatherhood wasn’t on the schedule. She hated that crushing sense of disappointment: a rejection not just of her, but of Matty, too. It was simpler just to avoid it altogether, and never put her heart on the line like that at all.
But now, she thought of the way Aidan’s body had felt against hers; the warmth of his eyes when he laughed, and the magic of his mouth on hers, and Stella felt unsteady, as if the ground was suddenly shifting beneath her, in tiny tremors that warned of a greater jolt to come. She’d built her life to be solid and stable, but there was nothing stable about the way she felt when she was kissing him.
It was exhilarating. Terrifying. Tempting as hell.
But still, no matter how exhilarating it felt to imagine more, something had held her back; made her literally turn and run instead of taking things further. She had to wonder, were all her careful rules designed to protect Matty’s heart anymore?
Or hers?
She was just finishing up a new kitchen install when her phone rang. It was the landlord of Aidan’s house, wanting to arrange a brand-new old-school HVAC unit – one that wasn’t going to achieve artificial intelligence and take over the world.
“Can you fit it in ASAP?” he asked, sounding stressed. “I know you must be busy, but this new tenant of mine seems like an impatient kind of guy. I want to keep him happy.”
That sounded like Aidan, alright.
Stella swallowed, her stomach doing an inconvenient lurch at the thought of seeing him again. “I don’t know…” she said, reluctant. But this landlord owned half a dozen other properties on the Cape, and always paid on time. Was she really going to sabotage a good employer because of a romantic mistake? Stella forced herself to think clearly. She could be an adult. “OK, I can make that work.”
Since there was no point in delaying the inevitable, she stopped by her supplier and picked up the unit that afternoon, then drove over to the house. Was it too much to ask that Aidan might have been struck by a freak bout of amnesia, making him totally forget the kiss – and her blunt, tactless rejection?
But when she pulled into the driveway, she found him out at the front of the house. The garage doors were wide open, and an ancient sailboat was up on risers, as Aidan inspected the damage. At the sound of her truck, he turned.
Stella swallowed, and clambered down. “Hi there,” she called over, waving. But Aidan looked guarded as she approached.
“Oh, it’s you.” He sounded polite, sure, but there was none of the friendly smiles or teasing he’d given her last time they met.
Stella’s heart sank. No amnesia, then.
“Your landlord called—” she started to explain.
“Right. Yes. He told me.” Aidan said quickly. He was dressed casually, in jeans and a T-shirt, and Stella wished that she didn’t notice just how good he looked. “Go on in.”
He stood aside, and Stella hauled her toolbox with her. “Do you need any help…?” Aidan began to offer, but she shook her head.
“I have it covered. Thanks.”
“Right,” he said again. There was another awkward pause. He looked away. “Well… I’ll leave you to it. I have work to do.”
Aidan disappeared back into the garage, leaving Stella to get started, alone. The house was just as immaculate as the last