thinks I’m a failure. He might even send me back to Gabriel.
I flinch at the thought.
Never. I will never go back there. Never speak to him again.
He had an affair with my father.
“You’re shaking.”
“It’s cold,” I say, and try to make myself stop. Then I turn around, ending up facing him with his arm around my waist, still holding my hand. “But you can keep me warm.”
His eyes drop to my mouth, then my throat, then my breasts. Every place they pause, the skin there begins to pulse.
“You can’t be here,” he says, releasing me and stepping back.
I should leave. I know that. But I don’t want to be alone right now. Being alone would mean I’d have to replay all the shit that just happened, and in my current state, I don’t know what to do with that information.
Then again, would I really be better off here? I feel safe around Reuben, but what if Cass or Zachary stop by? I already know I can barely fend off one of them…if they were to gang up on me—
“You’re right,” I blurt out, pushing my curls out of my face as a wave of cold tingles washes over me.
This is the last place I should be.
There’s no safe place in Saint Amos anymore.
Maybe there never was.
I have to get out.
Reuben turns to watch me when I walk past him. “Do you want to know what’s on the drive?”
I pause mid-step and peer at him over my shoulder. “You—?” I point to his bedroom. “You found something?”
He shakes his head. “We’ll only know tomorrow. But do you want to know what we find, if we find something?”
It feels like a loaded question, and something I’m definitely not equipped to answer right now. So I err on the side of caution.
“Sure. I mean, of course.” I nod and head back to the door.
I open it.
A hand slams down beside my head, closing it again. My spine stiffens like someone rammed a pole through my body. “What…what are you doing?”
Suddenly I don’t feel that drunk anymore. Maybe it’s the adrenaline surging through me.
“I didn’t know you liked Cass,” Reuben says.
“I…”
I don’t.
For some reason, I can’t say it.
But I don’t!
Still, you enjoy what he does to you. The way it makes you feel. You’ve always loved the idea of being a sinner, haven’t you?
“I’m not upset,” he says in the same monotone as before.
Always so calm, so centered. Makes me wonder what it’s like when he loses control.
Like you did with Cass.
Shut up!
“I should go,” I say again. “Probably can’t have anyone see me here.”
“Do you still like me?”
“Yes.”
Fuck. Fuck!
I shiver when Reuben touches the side of my neck, but it’s just to draw a curl away from my ear.
“So you can like more than one guy at a time?”
No.
Yes.
Maybe?
Trick question! I only like Reuben.
Don’t I?
What about Zach?
Fuck.
Well? What about him?
“Do I have to?” I murmur, trying to find an easy way out.
“Yes.” Reuben’s fingers trail down and then caress the ridge of my collarbones. That light touch sends a shiver through me.
“Why?”
“We’re too close. Have been for so long.”
“If you really thought that, then you wouldn’t have kissed me.”
He turns me around and gently grasps my chin. “Kisses mean nothing.” There’s a strange hitch in his voice that belies the words. Because he does like me, or because someone told him that a long time ago and he still believes it? “I like kissing girls.”
My eyes widen. “Oh,” I murmur, heat slowly crawling up my face.
Can I be more embarrassed? I thought Reuben genuinely liked me. But if it’s just something he gets a kick from…?
Fuck it—he does like me.
I’ll prove it.
“Then kiss me,” I say. “Kiss me and tell me it doesn’t mean anything.”
He cocks his head a little to the side, as if intrigued by my suggestion. Then he ducks, scoops me into his arms, and presses me against the door. Just like last time, my legs wrap around him like I’ve done this a thousand times before.
Blasphemous little slut.
I’m suddenly too aware of how close my core is to his body. Pressed to his stomach just above his belt, I can only imagine what it would feel like if he was to lift my skirt so the rough fabric of his jeans could rub against me.
Damn it, I am a slut. Is this because Cass got me so hot and bothered earlier? Or is it because when I feel like this, I can’t think about other things? Horrible, confusing things.
Maybe