demanded she punish him for what he had done, wounded him just as he had wounded her. She didn’t want to listen to it, but it lured and coaxed, tempted her into doing as it wished, promised satisfaction if she did. She wanted him to feel as hurt as she did, didn’t she?
No. That wasn’t like her. It might have been back when she was in the cage, when the thought of getting revenge on those who had hurt her had pleased her and had given her the strength to keep going. She wasn’t like that now.
Yet, she couldn’t silence the darkness as it murmured temptation to her, filling her with a need to listen to it, to seek revenge.
The Messenger held his hand out to her, and she felt as if he was the embodiment of her darkness as he said, “Come, my lady. I know a short route to the edge of this realm. You could be home in less than a day.”
“Home,” she murmured, that word triggering an ache in her, a yearning to see it again, one she hadn’t felt before.
She knew why she was feeling it now. It wasn’t the thought of seeing her brothers and her father that had her desperate to go there. It was the thought of seeing her mother, of sinking into her arms and unburdening her heart, telling her about Thanatos and hearing what her mother thought. Her mother had always guided her with a gentle hand, unlike her brothers and her father. If anyone could help her with her problems, could show her the right path to take with Thanatos, it would be her mother.
She looked at Thanatos. “Come with us.”
For a heartbeat, he looked as if he might agree, but then he scowled at the Messenger. “I go nowhere with a traitor. This male is not to be trusted.”
In his eyes, no one was to be trusted. She took that back. He had trusted her, even though it had been difficult for him. That past he still refused to tell her about made it impossible for him to trust people, but he had managed it with her.
“I am going with him.” She hated the way Thanatos looked at her as if she had just betrayed him, hated herself for tossing that ultimatum out there, trying to force him to do as she wanted.
She regretted it too.
Because his silver eyes shone with hurt.
There was anger in them too, fire that was quick to burn that hurt to ashes. Sorrow swept through her on the heels of regret and she wanted to take back what she had said, wanted to talk to him and make things right again, only she couldn’t find her voice as he turned his cheek to her and glowered at the Messenger.
Shutting her out.
Maybe what they needed was some time apart from each other.
She glanced at the Messenger, into his heterochromatic eyes, and saw the truth in them. He knew a shorter route to the edge of this realm. Her gaze strayed back to Thanatos. She felt sure that he would follow her if she left, that she would be able to lead him out of this realm too, freeing them both.
He would hate her for it, but if it meant he could be free of this wretched realm, could return to his castle and his life there, it would be worth the pain she was about to cause them both.
“I will make my own way back home from here then, with the help of this Messenger.”
His expression darkened with each word that left her lips, blue fire igniting in his eyes, rapidly engulfing his irises. The air around him chilled despite the campfire. His head slowly swivelled towards her, his jaw clenching as he flexed his fingers around the grip of his sword, causing his muscles to tense.
“You are… dismissing me?” he growled and she didn’t hear anger.
She heard pain.
Saw his barriers come back up to shut her out as he bared his teeth at her, as he sheathed his sword and turned on her, glaring down into her eyes as he loomed over her, dwarfing her.
Calindria squared her shoulders and stood her ground as that pain echoed inside her too, made her want to take back what she had said and remain with him. She couldn’t. The thought of leaving him hurt her, but she knew if she remained the pain would be a thousand times worse.
He couldn’t give her what she wanted from