at all.
“Did the ones who held you ever—” He didn’t need to finish that sentence for her to know what he was asking and why he felt sure he must have frightened her by looking at her as if he wanted to kiss her, by clutching her tightly in a way that said he didn’t want to let her go.
“I told you. They feared touching me. I had always thought it was because they would be punished by whoever was behind my captivity, but now I know it is my power that made them wary of me.” She smiled tightly, feeling only cold as she looked at Thanatos and thought about her power. She thought about what it would be like when she returned to her family. When she had been imagining their reunion, she had pictured them hugging her, holding her tightly. She had forgotten that couldn’t happen. If she touched them, she would hurt them. That same problem extended to everyone but Thanatos, and even then she wasn’t convinced she couldn’t hurt him with her power. “Am I doomed to be alone?”
Thanatos was quick to pivot towards her, to shake his head as all trace of anger fled his handsome face, replaced with warmth and a need that touched her. He wanted to comfort her.
“What made you say that?” He took a step towards her and then another, closing the cold distance between them again.
She felt small, oddly vulnerable as she looked into his eyes, as she let the question tumble from her lips. “Who would want to be with someone who might kill them?”
His soft look told her he had thought the same thing in the past, and he had closed himself off to the world instead, erecting barriers around his heart, determined to live alone rather than risk potential pain by living with others.
She wasn’t sure she could ever do that.
She had been alone so long already. The thought of passing the rest of her life in that way damn near killed her. Somehow, she would find a way to control her power, no matter how long it took. She would strive until she could live her life surrounded by those she cared about, without fear of harming them.
Calindria wanted to sink onto her chair, some wretched part of her aching to give up already. She denied it. She wouldn’t be like Thanatos. She couldn’t. She looked at him, realising how bleak she had to look as she struggled with herself, with the thought she might never know physical contact again.
And if she did, it wouldn’t bring her pleasure.
It would only cause fear, pain.
She would be constantly afraid of hurting the person she was touching.
“Calindria,” Thanatos murmured softly, his black eyebrows furrowing as he came to her, as he stared deep into her eyes. His fingers flexed again and war erupted in his eyes, a war she was desperate for him to lose this time.
Couldn’t he see how much she needed him?
Couldn’t he see how much this was killing her?
Even if he only did it out of pity, she needed him to touch her. She needed to know there was someone in this world she wouldn’t hurt—couldn’t hurt.
“Thanatos,” she breathed, tears blurring her vision as she looked up at him, as she ached for him to go through with it this time. He had wanted to kiss her more than once, she was sure of it, but each time he had resisted, had hardened himself and walked away. She wasn’t sure she could bear it if he did that this time.
“Earlier… when I went after that female.” He heaved a sigh that shifted every muscle on his bare chest, enticing her and making her want to reach out and risk touching him. She couldn’t. She was too afraid. She needed him to be the one to start this, to give up this foolish fight and surrender. His fingers twitched again, stretching and curling, and the furrow between the black slashes of his eyebrows deepened. “If I looked as if I wanted to do anything other than cleave her head from her body, then it is your fault.”
Her eyebrows knitted. “My fault? How is it my fault?”
“You—” He flexed his fingers and she wasn’t sure whether he wanted to strike her or caress her.
There was so much fire in his eyes, so much heat.
She gasped as he suddenly banded his strong arms around her and hauled her against him.
Moaned as he claimed her lips.
Chapter 16
Thanatos’s kiss seared