options?
[We don’t know our options yet, child. We haven’t had time to think.]
No. We haven’t. But you do think there are options?
Jane’s voice was so sad, so scared, that we suddenly understood one simple fact.
We realized there must be another option, for to kill Anyan was unthinkable.
[Yes,] the creature said. [There are options. There are always options.]
For the first time since Blondie fell and Anyan was flung onto the White’s bones, we felt something other than despair. The tiniest glimmer of hope built within us, and we nurtured it as we would a flame. Jane grasped on to that hope, and she made a decision.
She was grateful for the creature’s intervention, but now she had work to do.
I need to be me again, Jane said.
[Are you sure?] the creature asked.
Yes, I think so. I appreciate what you did for me, though.
[Nonsense,] the creature said. [You helped me as much, or more, than I helped you.]
And then it withdrew, its ancient power that had cocooned me and kept me together through these last, turbulent days withdrawing. It didn’t leave entirely, and I knew that it wouldn’t until this whole affair was over.
But I was Jane again. And I wasn’t doolally, at least not entirely, or not yet. I could feel an edge there, however. A hard edge, a desperate edge – one that scared me. I knew I could run over that edge without even seeing it in the darkness.
But right now I had to find us some options.
When I raised my eyes to Griffin’s, he knew something had changed.
‘Hi, Griffin,’ I said, knowing that both the creature and I would be okay. I could still feel it, inside me, and I knew it wouldn’t leave me and that it would continue to comfort me, and that I’d reciprocate. But I had to be me again, for both our sakes.
I was the champion, after all.
‘We’ve noted your concerns. The problem is that you haven’t given us any time. And we’re tired of your methods.’
I went ahead and continued using the royal ‘we’, since I knew that in this matter, the creature and I were partners.
‘The fact is that we’ve spent too much time letting other people work for us, or tell us what to do, or guide us. Now it’s time for us to guide ourselves. We’re taking control of this little operation. And we’re doing it our way.’
Then I looked over to where Gog, Magog, and Hiral had all taken a step forward.
‘You wanna come with?’ I asked, feeling the creature warm at the thought. My friends, for they had become my friends, nodded.
The creature took us home.
Chapter Two
‘Jane?’ shouted my dad’s hoarse voice, right before his arms wrapped around me.
For a split second, at seeing my father, my grief nearly overwhelmed me. A ragged sound came from my throat and I felt tears burning down my cheeks.
I also realized it was the first time I’d actually cried over what happened. So I let myself.
My dad led me upstairs, to Anyan’s loft bedroom, as I sobbed. He sat me on Anyan’s bed and held me till I cried myself out. Then he held out a clean handkerchief he’d dug out of his pocket. I used it to wipe my face up, noticing that I could smell Anyan all around us. That nearly made me cry again, but I choked it down.
‘Is it true?’ he asked finally.
I nodded.
‘Blondie’s dead,’ I said. ‘And Anyan’s been turned into a monster.’
‘What are you going to do?’
‘I don’t know, Dad. I really don’t. Blondie and Anyan were always the ones who led. They had all the answers.’
‘Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it?’ my dad said. I looked up at him. His now healthy, pink complexion still looked a bit foreign to me, but the rest of him was so achingly familiar and safe after all the chaos of the past months. A few days unshaven, his craggy features were handsome, and his salt-and-pepper hair thick.
‘What’s obvious?’ I asked, my voice small. Like everyone, he probably thought I had to kill Anyan. Maybe I did have to kill Anyan.
‘You’ve got to get him back, Jane. You’ve got to find a way to fix this and get Anyan back.’
I looked at him, tears welling in my eyes. It was what I’d been longing to hear since I first saw Anyan’s beautiful gray eyes gone green, but somewhere deep down I thought I was crazy for hoping.
‘I do?’
‘Of course. And I know you can. We have to figure it