in the vampire’s gaze, it clicked, what Niall had been trying to tell her. The realization horrified her enough she would have scrambled off the bed and knelt in penitence, but Evan was in front of her. Instead she tried to genuflect as much as the narrow bed allowed, even with his grip on her upper arm. “Master, I’m so sorry. The last thing I ever intended was to make you feel . . . Of course I trust you to care for me. Always.”
At least as much of “always” as fate would give her. “I just wanted to care for you, and Evan, and the guests . . . it never occurred to me that you would think . . .”
“I know it didn’t.” Those gray eyes were quiet, accepting. If anything, that hurt her heart worse. Putting his fingers on her mouth, he stopped the rush of words. “I am in your mind, if not in your soul, Alanna. Now that my heart isn’t racing like a train, certain Colin was going to drop your bloody corpse at my feet, I know what you were thinking. I expected you to respond to me the way Niall does. It was unrealistic to expect the intuitive understanding he and I developed over centuries.”
He stroked through her hair, caressed her ear. She wanted to lean into that touch, needed to do so, but she didn’t deserve that. She forced herself to stay still, to simply listen and ache, wishing she could do so many things differently.
“Ah, yekirati. Your political and sexual skills, your incredible beauty and training; you base your decisions on those things. You’ve never had a Master value you for more than that. When one does, it introduces a whole different set of decision-making variables.”
Her brow creased, but he touched her chin, guiding her tearstained face back to his. “I’ve been trying to help you know what that means. Remarkable student that you are, I think you’ve just about figured it out, despite the short time we’ve been together. Perhaps what confused you is that I intended my participation to be as a teacher, a guide. I didn’t realize I was going to become a living example of what I was trying to show you.”
Her heart fluttered uncertainly when his lips curved, a faint smile. “Though I regret the events of this night, if it helps you make the connection, it was worth it. Do you understand it yet, Alanna?”
She couldn’t breathe, not with the way he was looking at her now. He slid his knuckles to her cheek, waiting for her response.
She’d never been much of a movie watcher, but she remembered one she’d seen, a long time ago in her mother’s kitchen. She’d been sitting in the corner, practicing her patience and waiting skills, and the small TV on the counter, left on by her sisters, had been showing the black-and-white version of The Miracle Worker. Annie Sullivan’s struggle to help a blind and deaf child communicate had caught her attention.
By the time they reached the climactic scene at the well pump, Alanna had been captured by the story line. Helen finally made that connection, learning something everyone had expected to be beyond her reach. The simple link between a finger sign made in her palm and its actual meaning. Words. Connection. It had opened up the entire universe to her.
Now Alanna truly understood it, the momentous shift when Helen spelled water in her teacher’s hand. She swallowed. Evan had forced her to face the fact that she’d wanted to love Stephen and had wanted him to care about her. Not for her skills or the political prestige she’d brought to him. Not even for her unconditional service to him. She had wanted him to see past all that, see her. Value her. Her unconditional service was more than training—it was key to every need, desire and vulnerability she had. Everything she truly was. She thought of her brother kissing his Mistress’s foot, the look his vampire had given him. Devotion, caring . . . love. Perhaps vampires didn’t feel it the same as humans, but she’d seen it in the Mistress’s face, and the desire to find that, to earn it, had burned in Alanna’s heart like acid.
But there were two parts to it. It wasn’t only about finding someone who would value her, who would let her serve them as she desired. It was also about finding the Master who captured her heart, who she