dress.
The thunder in her head drowned everything else out, but she was vaguely aware of Niall speaking to a half-dressed woman in bra and skirt, a matronly woman with steady eyes who knelt by Alanna when he rose. The press of his hand on her shoulder was gone too quickly.
She must have called his name, for the woman’s response penetrated the fog. “It’s all right, honey. He just went to get your medicine. I’m a nurse. It’s all right.”
He was going to drive to the cabin and back? Lost little girl . . . Adam dead and gone . . . You should just kill yourself now. Save your Master the trouble.
She froze. The idea that Evan would think such a thing hurt her deeply. But she wasn’t supposed to feel emotional pain, unless that was what her Master wanted.
You said it yourself. You wished I’d killed you . . .
It wasn’t Evan. She clung to that thought. If she concentrated hard enough, she could almost imagine she was hearing the artist, even as a far distant voice.
Kill yourself, kill yourself . . . you know you deserve death. I command it.
“Help . . .” She was gasping, back down on the floor, holding on to it as the world spun. She heard the woman saying they needed to call an ambulance, but Niall was telling her in a remarkably calm voice it would be all right, that she just needed this shot. He had the silver box of syringes. He’d brought a dose with him, planning for any eventuality. That was what a good servant did. She, on the other hand, had forgotten to take it.
The searing burn in her thigh was welcome, despite the pain. Usually she bit down on her tongue, rocked until the scalding fire subsided. Now she cried out, unable to contain it. The cramps and headache increased exponentially. The effect would last only seconds, but was intense enough to feel like an hour.
Stephen howled, then he was yanked out of her mind and sent away, like a cartoon character kicked and sent sailing over distant hills. Over those beautiful blue and gray mountains she saw out the front door of the cabin.
“She’s fine. She just needs a few minutes. Water’s splendid, aye. Chocolate if ye have some.”
Niall had her cradled against his chest, was stroking her hair. As coherence returned, she looked down at the lovely colors, splashed with blood and her breakfast.
“Niall . . .” She couldn’t believe how plaintive she sounded. Like a lost little girl, just as Stephen said.
“It’s all right, muirnín. Why didnae ye say anything? Never mind, Evan told me. You didnae want to be a bother. Because this is so much more convenient. When you’re back on your feet, I’m going to skelp your arse.”
She made a noise of regret, and he muttered a curse, held her tighter. “’Tis all right. Not your fault. None of it.”
Of course it was her fault. But she didn’t have the strength to argue with him about it. As the pain ebbed, the shame intensified. He wouldn’t let her dress herself. He buttoned her shirt, got her jeans started and had her hold on to him as she stood and he brought them all the way up, even managing the zipper and button.
“I’m all right,” she said hoarsely. “It’s okay. I can finish.”
“You’re the color of a snowbank, lass, and your hands are shaking. Let me help ye.”
He couldn’t imagine how much she hated those four words, but she was leaning against him, so she fell silent, stood in stolid misery while he finished. When he touched her face, she wouldn’t lift it. He didn’t push it, simply folding her into his body and holding her.
“It’s all right, muirnín. You dinnae have to be fucking invincible.”
She shook her head against his chest, but to deny or accept it as truth, she didn’t know. “Please don’t carry me. I want to walk out of the store.”
“All right.” He pushed her down on the velvet chair. “But only if ye stay right there. I’ll go pay for things and come back for ye.”
He pressed the chocolate bar and water the store manager had brought into her hands. As she gazed at them, he picked up the dresses. The damaged one had been tucked into a plastic store bag.
“I haven’t tried on the others,” she said. “So they should be put back. I’m sorry about the first one.”
Niall had made it clear that Evan didn’t