destroyed us. Don’t you see Selena? The tabloids are wrong. You didn’t cheat on me. You were raped.”
“He said I wanted it. That I came on to him.”
Jesus. “Of course, he did. That motherfucker. Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have been mad at you. I loved you.”
“I wanted to write you so many times, but Dima said—”
“Dima?!”
Selena slumped on the bed. “I planned to tell you. But you were away for three months, and the guilt grew. I didn’t think you would ever want me. I was so ugly and fat. After that happened, I was so depressed that I just gorged myself on food. I was so alone. But then Dima came to see me. Told me he could make me over. He put me on a diet plan and trained me. Then he asked me to dance with him. I couldn’t say no. I thought you would never want me again after what I did.”
Fuck. This was even worse. “He did that all on purpose, Sel. He always teased you about your weight and your acne, no matter how many times I told him to shut the fuck up. He tore you down so he could transform you into a swan. His swan.”
Her hands shook. “Maybe he did. But I was so lost. So, I chose to dance with Dima. I’m sorry I didn’t come to your graduation, but I didn’t think I could handle seeing you knowing what I had done. It was cowardly. Once I gained some perspective, I tried to find you. But you had vanished. Ever since then, I’ve looked for you. Facebook, Instagram. But you were gone. Completely gone. It’s like you existed only in my memories. You don’t know the guilt I’ve felt. I’ve wanted to tell you since we got back together, and I tried to, but you didn’t want to talk about the past. I screwed up. I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry. Please forgive me, Bret.”
I could forgive her. She hadn’t done anything wrong.
But I could never forgive Dima. I was going to beat the shit out of him next time I saw him.
“You don’t need to ask my forgiveness because you did nothing wrong. But you can’t dance with Dima anymore.”
Her mouth twisted. “You can’t tell me what I can do. Of course, I’m going to dance with Dima. We have one more competition left. The competition. I can’t just walk away.”
“He’s a rapist. I can’t trust him. He could do it again. You should press charges.”
“It was ten years ago! And I don’t remember what happened. Maybe I did come on to him?”
“You were drunk, Sel. And a kid.”
“It’s just one more competition.”
“Yeah. One more competition. You have a bunch of titles. You don’t need this one. Not with your rapist.”
“You are being irrational. It’s in the past. He won’t touch me.”
“You don’t know that. And you don’t know that he won’t do that to someone else. Like Elizabeth. I was supportive of you doing one more comp, but not anymore.”
Selena broke into sobs. “Please Bret…please!”
“I’m done, Selena.” I didn’t turn around. I put on my shirt and shoes, leashed up Banjo, grabbed my bags, then slammed the door behind me.
After I made my way on the dock, I got into my truck and just drove.
Selena could fly to Los Angeles.
This was it for me. No more women. I’d gone against my better judgment getting involved with Selena again. I had been happier with no complications, just my loyal dog and my buddies. Buddies who would die for me. My brothers in the Corps were the only people I trusted.
I thought about Robyn’s words to me recently about my path. I didn’t believe her mumbo jumbo for a second, but she was right about one thing: had I never done this show, I never would have reunited with Selena, nor would I have found out about what had happened with Dima.
My heart ached at the loss…but also, I felt strangely at peace. For the first time since Selena had left me years ago, I knew that I’d finally found the complete closure I’d always craved.
Selena
I cried myself back to sleep after Bret left. I called and texted him repeatedly, but my calls went straight to voicemail, and my texts went unanswered. He had already written me off.
Not that I could blame him. I had created this mess, so many years ago. Ever since our reunion, I’d tried to tell him, but