noise and let them know they can’t sneak up on you. Most ambush predators give up when they realize their element of surprise is lost.
“I know you’re there, Olaf,” I called out.
“You did not hear me,” he said from the cover of the woods so close to me that I jumped. I couldn’t help it.
“You didn’t see me.” He sounded puzzled as he stood and stretched that tall frame upward.
I wanted to ask him if he’d combat-crawled that close to me but didn’t want to admit I hadn’t realized he was within twenty feet of me. My pulse was in my throat like it would choke me. I couldn’t hide it from him, not this close. He’d smell my panic. So I let my fear turn to anger, because I’d always rather be pissed than scared.
“What do you want, Ol . . . Otto?”
“You,” he said.
And suddenly I wasn’t angry or scared. I was just tired of the games. “I walked right into that one, didn’t I?”
He frowned at me. “You were frightened, then angry, and now you smell . . . neutral. How?”
“Even I don’t understand what I’m feeling all the time, so I can’t explain it to you.”
“That makes no sense,” he said.
“Emotions don’t make sense most of the time.”
“It must be terrible to be at the mercy of so much illogic.”
“Sometimes,” I said.
“I know I am supposed to want a full range of emotions like everyone else seems to have, but I don’t.”
“Do you ever wonder what you’re missing?” I asked.
“Doesn’t everyone?”
I nodded. “Most people do, yes.”
“Do you?”
“Do I what?”
“Ever wonder what it would be like to be less emotional, to be a sociopath?”
“Sometimes. I used to think I already was one until I met enough of you, but it does seem more internally peaceful than what the rest of us are doing.”
“Much more peaceful,” he said, staring at me with the full weight of his attention. “How did you know I was here if you neither heard nor saw me?”
“Maybe I smelled you.”
“I’m upwind, not down-.”
“I sensed you.”
“You didn’t see, hear, or smell me, and I’m too far away for touch or taste. There is nothing left.”
“You’re biform now, Otto. You should know better than to just count five senses.”
He stared at me, and I stared back.
“You have been afraid of me in rooms full of people, and now we are in the woods alone and you are not afraid. There is no logic to that either.”
“Witnesses protect us both, Olaf.”
He frowned at me, and then he smiled. It looked like a real smile, as if he was genuinely happy. “You’re threatening me.”
“Just explaining.”
“Do you believe you could draw, aim, and shoot before I closed the distance between us?”
“I don’t know, but if you run at me, we’ll find out.”
I stood there and let the breath out of my body until I felt quiet inside. It was like white static inside me, empty and peaceful. It was how my head always used to go when I killed. Lately I hadn’t seemed to need it, but as I looked at Olaf in the quiet trees, I didn’t try to hide what was happening inside my head. I figured if anyone would understand, it would be him.
“You continue to surprise me, Adler.”
“Good,” I said, voice low and controlled.
My hand was hanging loose and ready next to the full-frame .45, and then I realized no, my AR-15 was on a tactical sling. All I had to do was move my body for it to spill into my hand. I could aim and start firing with it at my side. It wouldn’t have been as accurate that way, but I was sure I’d at least wound him before I got the rifle snugged to my shoulder. Once it was there, I was sure I could finish him. The plan helped quiet even the static, so I felt calm inside my head, no fear, no anything. I wondered if that was how it was for Olaf most of the time. It seemed like a peaceful way to go through life, empty maybe, but peaceful. Maybe you couldn’t have peace and give a damn.
He stood very still, hands spread wide to show he had nothing in them. “It is not time to answer this question between us, Anita.”
I liked that he used my real name. I hated that fucking nickname, and I hated that I didn’t feel free to tell him so even more. And just like that, the anger was back,