with explaining feelings to sociopaths or hand-holding junior marshals.
42
I HEARD FRANKIE say, “Are you sure?” She made hmm sounds and then hit the button to end the phone call. Her face was serious, but I didn’t know her well enough to read that as positive or negative.
“What did Rico say?” I asked.
She shook her head.
“The deer was in the tree where I left it, right?” Bobby asked from the cell.
“No, Bobby. I’m sorry, but Rico couldn’t find a deer in the tree.”
“Did he check the tree just outside my bedroom window? It’s got a limb that was always great for sneaking out.”
“Rico says he checked all the trees near the house and didn’t find any dead animals in them.”
“That’s not possible. I remember the hunt. I remember the deer’s heartbeat fading under my jaws. I can still feel it struggling under my claws, the sensation of the hair in my mouth. It was too real to be a dream.”
Duke stepped back into sight. “Sometimes we remember things the way we want them to be, not the way they are, son. I’m sorry.”
“What does that mean? What are you trying to tell me, Duke?” Bobby’s hands were starting to mottle where he gripped the bars.
“Are you remembering a deer, Bobby, or something else under your claws and fangs?”
Bobby raised his face up, his blue eyes large and nearly perfectly round like whatever he was seeing or remembering was something awful. He started shaking his head. “No, no, I would remember the difference between a deer and . . . Uncle Ray.”
“If a memory is too terrible, we change it, edit it even in our own heads until the lie replaces the truth. You said so yourself,” Duke said to me.
“I remember what I said.”
“Do you edit your memories that way?” Olaf asked.
“No, but a lot of people do.”
“I do not,” Olaf said.
Bobby kept shaking his head and backed away from the bars. “No, I finally started remembering again. I’ve never remembered the wrong thing before.”
“Have you ever hurt anyone before?” Duke asked.
Bobby shook his head. “No, my mentor, my sponsor, was with me from my first full moon.”
“Why did you change form on the dark of the moon? Even a new Therianthrope would have been safe that far away from full,” I said.
Maybe if I could get Bobby talking about something else useful, I could head off the emotions that were all over his face and body language. I’d seen other shapeshifters when they realized that they’d killed someone they loved by accident. The realization was never pleasant, and the shock looked just like this.
Bobby blinked at me as if he was having trouble drawing himself back from whatever was in his head. “What?”
Olaf tried, “Why did you change so far away from the full moon?”
“She asked,” Bobby said, and then he stopped talking as if he hadn’t meant to answer.
“Who asked?”
Bobby just shook his head.
“Who is she?” Olaf asked.
Bobby shook his head again, lips held in a tight thin line as if he were literally holding his lips closed so he wouldn’t say more. He was protecting someone, and I didn’t think it was himself.
“You’re remembering tearing Ray apart, Bobby,” Duke said.
“No, it was a deer!”
“You’re not sure of that, are you, Bobby?” Duke said.
Bobby frowned. “I was.”
“Stop it, Duke,” said Wagner in the other cell.
“You’re on my shit list already, Troy. Don’t pile it higher.”
“No, Duke, you could always do that with Bobby and me and some of the other boys. You could talk us up for a game or talk us down for something you thought we’d done wrong, but this isn’t who threw a ball through Miss Bunny’s window, Duke. This is Bobby’s life on the line. Don’t fuck him over.”
“I should let the staties take you with them when they leave, Troy.”
“What happens to Wagner is up to you, but this isn’t some regular crime, Sheriff. If you get Bobby to confess, he doesn’t get held over for trial. One of us takes him out and fucking kills him,” I said.
“Win should have done that when we were still cleaning up Ray’s body.”
I looked at Leduc, really looked into his brown eyes, gave him some serious eye contact. He met my look with a bored one of his own. I was betting that was his blank cop face; every officer had one if they stayed on the job any length of time. It was the face we used to hide anything we were thinking. Some looked