feel good, you know?” Her throat closed up. “I wish you could touch me, too. I don’t think I can stay here knowing I’m hurting you by making myself feel good…and I don’t think I can stop touching you. It feels like a must.”
A flare of panic flashed across his face. “I shouldn’t have said what I did earlier. You just caught me off guard.” He massaged his forehead with four fingers. “Did I scare you? Is that why you’re really leaving?”
“No.” She shook her head. “No.”
“Okay. Jesus. Okay.” He was silent a moment, but gears were turning behind his eyes. “You need to touch me and I need you to stay. Let’s give each other what we need. All right?”
Why was this so damn confusing? She’d only met this man yesterday and they were already tangled up in her web of fucked-up issues. He should want to be clear of her, shouldn’t he? No one else had ever bothered with her this long before. “Why? Why do you need me to stay? I—”
“I won’t rest,” he growled. “I’ll think about you somewhere, scared like you were last night, and I’ll go fucking crazy.”
Her heart lurched, dislodging her pride. “I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time. If the only reason you want me here is to play nursemaid to the crazy girl, that’s not going to work for me.”
“You know there’s more to it. You know.” He visibly centered himself with a deep breath, appearing to debate with himself. “I’ve got my own skeletons, Erin. They don’t rattle so much when you’re around. Your touching me…it makes me hot. But it soothes elsewhere.”
She knew her expression was pathetically hopeful, but couldn’t find a single shit to give. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he repeated. “I’m not going to lie, Erin. Yes, I want to sleep with you like hell. But only if it’s healthy. Would you trust me enough to go slow? A little at a time?”
Her pulse hammered out of control. “You touching me?”
Connor watched her closely. “When you’re ready. Not before. Never before.”
This is where she should climb down the fire escape and vamoose toward the street. A weight pressed down on her rib cage, making it difficult to draw a breath. It felt like the point of no return. But Connor’s eyes grounded her.
Safe. He’s safe.
“Okay, baby. Slow.”
His body drained of tension. “Thank you.” He leaned in and brushed their lips together, gently, reverently. “First, we talk.”
Chapter Seven
Yes, because you’re such an accomplished talker. Asshole.
Didn’t matter. He’d talk a blue fucking streak as long as she didn’t leave. Back in the kitchen, he hadn’t kept himself in check and she’d picked up her suitcase. Actually picked it up. Ready to leave for God knows where all because he’d felt the stupid need to enlighten her on his permanently aroused state. Until that moment, it hadn’t fully registered exactly how badly he needed her close. None of it made a bit of sense, either. Not the edginess he felt when she wasn’t in his sight line. Not the decision to sacrifice his sanity just to keep her safe. Keeping her with him was all that mattered. Keep, keep, keep.
He hadn’t planned on asking her to trust him. To allow him to help her overcome her fears, at least where he was concerned. But he’d had to be honest with himself. His appetite wouldn’t allow him to remain in purgatory indefinitely, so he’d taken a risky leap. As the words left his mouth, he’d been only remotely aware of what he was doing, but now the dust had settled. He’d formed a relationship with her. One he could very easily fuck up. And it scared the shit out of him.
There wouldn’t be any room to remain detached here. He relied on detachment. It had saved him in the SEALs, not only on missions, but when they’d turned their backs on him and severed all ties. Detachment had gotten him through two years delivering messages of a physical nature while working under his cousin. He should have seen this coming, really. No amount of willpower could make him disengage around Erin. She’d woken up something inside him yesterday. He didn’t have a name for it yet, but it needed to be fed. Soothed. Unfortunately, she was the one agitating it at the same time.
Connor almost groaned out loud when Erin set her suitcase back down, awarding him with a glimpse down her shirt. Perky handfuls. He’d fucking known it. Purgatory? Nah,