setting me down carefully and stepping back. His cream-colored gym t-shirt sticks to his sweaty skin, highlighting every single beautiful muscle underneath. I can see his pulse fluttering violently in his throat.
I look away and close my eyes for a moment to gather myself. I knew he'd be the hardest one to tell. I knew it.
When I glance back, Spencer's still staring at me like he can't or won't figure it out on his own. I'm going to have to spell it out.
“Spencer, I'm … I'm a girl.”
His nostrils flare, and we just stand there staring at each other.
“No,” he says, but I'm nodding my head.
“Yes. I'm … on my period.” My cheeks flush, and he takes a step back from me like he's horrified. Hopefully not of my cycle. I mean, it isn't pretty but it's natural and normal. “That's the bleeding. I'm okay. I just … could you escort me back to the dorm?”
“You're not a girl; I saw your dick.” Spencer's adamant about it. My cheeks flush even brighter red, and I feel this strange urge to just curl up in his arms. Never going to happen. Sexual chemistry does not a relationship make. We are nothing to one another, virtual strangers.
“That was a fake packer penis,” I whisper, and his eyes get even wider. Slowly, I reach up and unbutton the top buttons on my shirt, so he can see the white tape of the bindings. “I've been using these to hide my breasts.”
“Holy shit,” Spencer breathes, turning away and putting his hand on the wall. “Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.” A bead of sweat drips from his forehead to the floor as he leans over and takes several deep breaths. “I'm not gay, am I?”
“I mean, not for being attracted to me,” I start, unsure where to go from here. “I think we just have, maybe, like physical chemistry or something?” Spencer looks back at me with this fresh expression on his face, one I've never seen before. It's almost … tender.
“You're a girl,” he repeats, and I nod, swallowing hard.
“My name is Charlotte,” I tell him, “but you can still call me Chuck if you want. The twins do.”
Spencer's eyes widen, and that tender expression snaps in half, like a lightning bolt shattering the expression on his face. He rakes his fingers through his silver hair.
“The twins know?” he says, voice ice-cold.
“They figured it out on their own; I didn't tell them. Not Ranger or Church either. It all just sort of … happened.”
“Ranger and Church know?” he repeats, his turquoise eyes darkening as he looks at me like I've just kicked him in the nuts.
“They do … and so does Ross,” I whisper, because if I'm being honest, then I might as well go all the way with it.
“Ross knows?!” Spencer roars, and then he punches the locker so hard that it dents. His knuckles are bleeding, but when I try to grab his hand, he jerks away from me, this look of hurt and betrayal on his face. “You lied to me,” he spits out, clearly disgusted. “I mean, how could you let me sit there and act like an idiot in front of everyone else? How could you?”
My jaw tightens.
“This isn't all about you. Jenica was the only other girl to ever attend this school, and now she's dead. I didn't want to end up that way, too.”
“You could've told me,” he says, pointing at himself. “I … I …” Some of his anger fades away and this sick expression of guilt settles over his features. “I threw you against a tree; I hurt you. Fuck, I tried to beat you up and all along, you were …”
“Maybe this is a lesson that violence isn't acceptable against anyone, regardless of gender?” I whisper, but Spencer's not listening to me. He's got so much anger and guilt swirling together into the perfect storm.
“We could've been something, Charlotte,” he says, looking up at me with so much hurt that my eyes water. “But I hate being lied to. I hate it. Ask anyone. And the boys … how could they?”
Tobias and Micah appear from around the corner, both of them panting as they jog up to us in their gym clothes. They're both wearing shorts that show off their muscular legs. It's hard not to stare, but then, I'm so shook up about this issue with Spencer that the excitement quickly fades.
“What's going on?” they ask together, and Spencer sneers at them.
“You