asleep in his arms, he glares in my direction, then Journey’s. I’m kinda thankful he’s got the kid on his lap because I don’t really want to have this conversation tonight.
Journey moves toward him and sits on the edge of the couch. They talk, and though he doesn’t look pleased with me, or her, he smiles at her. If I had to guess, he’s pushing aside his own concerns
Atlas stares at me. “She’s having a baby?”
I nod, not sure what to say to him. I certainly didn’t see myself having this conversation tonight, nor have I wrapped my own mind around it.
“How?”
“That’s a conversation for another day.” I scoop him up over my shoulder, Coho dancing around at our feet, wiggling his entire body at the sound of Atlas’s laughter.
For the next few hours, the life I’d been living, working twenty-hour workdays slowly fades, and I’m brought back to reality. Relieved that I can finally spend some time at home for once.
Journey makes a bet with me that by the end of the night, Presley and Bear disappear to his room. Twenty minutes after we eat dinner, they disappear. I hand her twenty bucks. “You win. I thought for sure she’d hold out on him longer.”
Journey laughs and tucks the bill in her bra. “Nah. She’s been counting the days until you guys return. Apparently, they sorta hooked up before he left.”
I knew about that. I’ve spent the last nine weeks on a boat with him. Believe me when I say I heard all about his newfound fascination with this chick.
IT’S LATE WHEN I put Atlas to bed, excited to finally do it myself. He’s passed out in my arms, cookie crumbs on his face, having stolen a few more.
I find Journey in my room, her cheeks glowing, my T-shirt on, and legs bare. It’s a sight I’ve certainly dreamed about, and yet here now, it doesn’t feel real.
Laying Journey on my bed, I slide down her body. Lifting up the cotton shirt, I kiss her breasts, her scar, then lower. To her stomach. Sighing, I can sense the smile on her lips without looking. I kiss the tiny bump she has, and then for good measure, I bite her hip. Not hard, but enough that she yelps and tangles her hands in my hair. I can’t have her thinking I’ve lost my touch of possessiveness, because I haven’t.
She laughs, her smile wide. “I love you.”
I slide up next to her and kiss her. “I’m scared,” I admit, watching her face.
Her smile fades. “I had a feeling you were by the lack of reaction.”
I run my fingers over her cheek. “I don’t want to lose you.”
Her breathing is light and steady, as if she’d been prepared for my response. “I know you are, but like my dad always told me… fear is temporary. Regret is forever.”
I huff out a breath and roll to the side. I stare up at my ceiling, moonlight shining in through the windows. “Journey, you’ve had a heart transplant. It’s really risky for you to have a baby, and Athena was completely healthy and died for no reason. I just…. It’s hard to take this risk with you.”
She sits up and twists to face me. “Are you saying you don’t want this?”
I’m quick to hold her. “No, I’m not saying that at all.”
“Then what are you saying because I can’t tell with you. Your expressions never match your words.”
Realizing I’m being a pussy and need to swallow this bullshit and be honest with her, I blow out a breath. “I’m saying that I’m here, but if I don’t show excitement, it’s not because I don’t want to have this baby with you,” I touch my hand to her stomach, my eyes trained on hers. “It’s that I don’t want to lose either one of you. I’ve been there before, honey. And I don’t ever want to feel that again.”
“I don’t know what I can say to make it easier for you.” Journey parts her lips, trailing her fingertips over my shoulder and the inked heart I never let her truly look at. “What does this mean?”
Relaxing back on the bed, I tuck my arms behind my head. “I got it a few months after Athena died. The hook represents Rhett, the heart, her.”
Journey faces me, circling her arms around her calves. “I know this won’t be easy. Maybe you coming to my next appointment will put your mind at ease with it.”
I want to go as