was absolutely no mention of where we stand. I wanted to ask, fuck did I, but a few hours at port and very little time to do much else, I found my conversations with her, Atlas, and my dad brief.
And now here I am, about to come face-to-face with her again. Anxiety bubbles in my chest, a knot the size of a boulder in the pit of my stomach. What if she had decided she didn’t want to be a part of my life?
I don’t even want to think about that because for the last nine weeks, the girl in the house, the one I can see through the front windows standing next to the colorful Christmas tree, she’s all I’ve been able to think about. Believe me, the thoughts have ranged from love, to downright need, and the occasional, well, you get it. I’m a man, and one who hasn’t been with anyone since I left her.
Sighing, I shut the truck off in the driveway.
“I’m starving.” Bear bails out first, his bags in hand, and he rushes inside the house.
Smoke rises from the chimney, creating a fluffy cloud near the roof line. I sit in the truck until I notice Atlas on the porch, barefoot and waving at me. “Daddy!” I hear him scream, jumping up and down. He doesn’t wait, nor does he put any shoes on. Instead, he takes off running from the porch to the truck.
I swing the door open and in the next moment, he lunges inside and into my arms. Tears sting my eyes. I hold him to my chest, trying to hold back the emotion bubbling to the surface. I missed this little boy more than words can ever convey.
He squeezes his arms around my neck, tighter. “Daddy, I missed you so much it made my stomach hurt thinking about it.”
I squeeze tighter, keeping him close. “I missed you so much too, buddy.”
“I can’t breathe,” he gasps after a minute, pulling back. He touches my face with his hands. “Did you catch crabs?”
I smile, knowing if Bear had heard this, he would have made a smart-ass comment. “We did.”
“How much?”
“A lot.”
“Like how many pounds?”
“Enough that I can spend some time with you for a while.”
His eyes widen, and he blinks. “Holy crap. That must have been a lot.”
Laughing, I let go of him but keep him on my lap. “I brought you back something.”
His eyes light up. “Did you get me a crab?”
“Well, I got you a couple.” I motion to the cooler on the floorboard behind me. Reaching inside the bag next to it, I pull out a whale he’d asked for. “This one you can take apart.”
With a grin, he stares at the box. “Oh, cool. You can even take its guts out!”
You’d understand just how cool that is if you’ve ever had a little boy.
He holds the box to his chest. “I love it. I made you cookies. Come see them.”
Wiggling out of the truck, he takes off running across the driveway. “Journey, look, I got whale guts!” he yells as he pushes the door open.
I catch another glimpse of her, my chest kicking with a rapid rhythm of anticipation. With her hand on her hip, her brow scrunches together, as if she’s trying to find me in the darkness.
Watching her, I’m reminded of the night I walked into her life. So bent on never feeling anything for her, and devastated when I did. She felt like water, slowly leaking through me, and in the end, baptized me new, and I couldn’t make sense of a life without her.
As if a pleasant thought passes through her, she smiles at Atlas and says something to him. The two of them walk inside the house, hand in hand.
It’s now or never. With another breath of me trying to assure myself I can do this, I step out of the truck. Inside the house, Atlas is running around, showing me all the Christmas decorations they’ve put up and shoving cookies in my face.
Setting my bags and the cooler down, I attempt to keep my attention on Atlas, my eyes betray me and land on Journey. She’s standing in the kitchen, the glow from the Christmas tree sparkling in her eyes. I smile at her, licking my lips. It’s unintentional. My lips are dry, I swear, but she laughs and moves closer.
My breath catches, my body tensing with her this close.
“Just get it over with,” Bear tells us in passing, his voice low to