does Jared John Ferguson want?”
He was quiet for a moment. “Is that what you did? Is that why you walked away?”
“Hey, we’re supposed to be talking about you here.”
His voice lowered and she realized he was taking the whole Dom training seriously because he suddenly sounded like one. “And you are suddenly the only link I have to my family. Family opens up. Family talks. You want me to follow your advice, then tell me why you left. You were smart and your scripts were good. And everyone knew you were the one writing those scripts.”
This was something she’d been avoiding thinking about for years. “I wasn’t strong enough then. I didn’t believe enough in myself, and maybe when I think about it deep down inside, maybe I didn’t want it enough to fight. I thought that was my dream. I was wrong. I’m happier here.”
Though lately she’d begun to wonder if she wasn’t missing one tiny thing.
“It’s a rough lifestyle. No one gets that. They see famous people and think about how good they have it.” Jared sat back up. “It’s hard. It’s going to get harder from here.”
“How much money do you need, Jared? How much fame? I walked out because I realized how much of myself I’d given up. I didn’t recognize myself anymore. It’s taken years, but I’m me again. I’m not the me I’ll be ten years from now, but I’m the me I chose.”
He was quiet for a moment. “I want to stay. I like the show. I want to see where it goes. I’m smart with my money now. And honestly, if it goes away tomorrow, I’ll still be okay. When I look deep down, I want to stay on the show as long as it lasts. I’m happy there.”
“Then that’s your answer.”
A grin lit his face. “Do you have any idea how many people I’m going to piss off?”
“That brings us to step number two in becoming a real live boy, Jared. You can’t allow that to sway you. This is your decision. It’s your life. You can’t live it for other people.”
He nodded. “You’re really happier here?”
“Oh, yes. I can breathe here and it’s not about a place. The location means nothing. I found the right people. I found people I care about who accept me for who I am. It made me accept me. That’s the hardest part. It’s too easy to find fault in ourselves. I’m still scared. I’m scared of what’s happening between me and Kai to tell you the truth.” He was oddly easy to talk to. Once a woman got past how beautiful Jared was, he was a great guy, willing to listen, willing to talk about something other than himself. “I think if I get in too deep with him, I’ll lose myself all over again.”
“Or you’ll find something even better.”
“There’s that fine line I’m trying to walk. I do get that. I’m trying to be reasonable. Hell, it might not even be as serious as I think it is.”
Jared shook his head. “Nope. It’s serious. He’s in love with you. It’s a perverted freaky love, but it’s love.”
She couldn’t help but think about what Kai would do with that gift he’d given her. “I like perverted, freaky love.”
“Good because I think you’re the woman he needs,” Jared said, but his smile faded. “The problem is Kai doesn’t always know what he needs.”
“What do you mean?” She wasn’t going to discount his opinion. Jared had grown up with Kai. Jared had lived with Kai when his core was being formed. He understood things no one else could, had seen pieces of Kai no one else had.
Jared sighed and was silent for a moment, as though thinking through what he was going to say. Or deciding if he was going to say it at all.
“Hey, just put it out there. Like you said before, we’re practically family.”
“That’s what I’m worried about,” Jared admitted. “I like you a lot, Kori. I think you could be so good for him, but Kai puts a lot of things before his relationships. He also isn’t very quick to forgive.”
“Jared, you slept with his fiancée.”
He held a hand up. “I’m not only talking about me. You tend to get one shot with Kai. He can be huggy with all the people in the world who don’t really touch him. He can hold them at a distance and be tolerant, but with the people he’s closest to, he can get pretty judgmental.