don’t really feel at home there. And since we aren’t very active, we don’t really know anybody in the church. He says he sometimes feels jealous that I have so many Internet friends, and he hardly has any friends at all. He was also really impressed that all of us offered our homes to Phyllis.
Then he started telling me how he always feels closed up inside, like he can’t let anyone past a certain point. Except me, of course. He got really down on himself for being so reserved and standoffish. He was blaming himself for not having any friends. And then he brought up our conversation about his infertility.
“You know,” he said, “I didn’t realize I was such a proud person. Here I am, refusing to consider opening our home to a child, and you and your friends are willing to share your homes with an entire family!”
He hung his head, almost looking more pitiful than I could bear. Then he smiled up at me. “Why don’t you tell me what you’ve found out about adoption, okay?”
“What do mean, ‘what I’ve found out’?”
“Oh, come on, Brenna. I might be a dumb farmer, but I can figure out that you’ve been doing a whole lot of researching on the Internet. That’s just how you are when you want something. So tell me whatcha got.”
Isn’t that amazing? And, Phyllis, it happened because of you! It happened because of all of you! If we adopt, we’re going to have to name him or her “Phyllis Dulcie Zelia Jocelyn Lindberg” after you all. He’s out doing chores right now, but tonight, after supper, we’re going to have a looong talk. God is just too good!
Brenna
* * *
From:
The Millards
To:
SAHM I Am
Subject:
[SAHM I AM] HAPPY EASTER
* * *
Ladies,
I’ve been trying to write this e-mail all morning. But it’s really difficult to write when there are tears in your eyes. Thank you for praying on Friday. Thank you for the notes you sent. Thank you for the priceless gift you’ve given my son. Thank you for loving us so much. I don’t deserve any of this. Especially when I let my son’s pain rock my faith the way it did this week. God’s mercy is so great.
Tyler was in terrible pain yesterday. Couldn’t even get out of bed. And I am ashamed to admit it, but I nearly gave up. I knew you all had been praying on Friday, and then for him to be a little worse on Saturday made me furious at God. It was Tyler himself, though, that brought me to my knees. He said, “Mom, you shouldn’t be blaming God. Can you imagine how bad it would be without Him? Besides, He told me something this morning. He said that someday, He wants me to be a doctor and help other kids that are hurting. And so this way, I can understand what they’re going through better, and I’ll be a better doctor. So now, it all makes sense.”
I just sat there with my mouth open. I never knew such wisdom could come from a child! He watched me, like he was worried I’d be mad at him or something. I gave him the best hug I could without hurting him, and then I started crying.
“Don’t cry, Mom,” he said. “I guess next time something bad happens, we won’t have to get mad at God or ask Him why. He has it all figured out.”
Oh, that pierced my heart. I spent the next several hours in my room, doing some major repenting and praying to God. But after that, I felt so much peace.
And this morning, when Tyler woke up, he wasn’t stiff at all! He got right out of bed and was getting dressed on his own when I peeked in on him. He even scolded me for catching him in his undies! We went to church, and he ran around the parking lot with the other boys like it was nothing! I about fainted. Shane and I haven’t been able to talk or think about anything else all day long. I don’t know if the “flare” is over, if the arthritis is in remission, or if Tyler is completely healed—only time will tell. But for now, he seems just fine.
And now my tears have started up again, so I’m going to have to go cry some more. But they are wonderful tears of joy and gratitude. To God, first of all, and then to all of you. You