and Z’s artistic talents. I have none. Zip. Zilch. I don’t even like going to MOPS because I hate doing craft projects. I’m probably the only person in the world who actually failed art in fifth grade.
It’s interesting to read about what you all did before you had children. All I have is what I dreamed about doing before I had Madeline. It might sound trivial, but I always wanted to be an image consultant and personal shopping assistant in some big city like New York or someplace. Fat chance of that happening now, huh? Maybe I can squeeze it in around feeding the chickens or rounding up the cows….
Not that I regret marrying Darren. I don’t even really regret having Madeline. Sometimes, though, I wish I’d had a chance to do some of the things I imagined myself doing. Even if it had been only for a year, like Dulcie. Or when I can make time for it, like Z.
Brenna
* * *
From:
P. Lorimer
To:
SAHM I Am
Subject:
Re: [SAHM I AM] Before Children…
* * *
Brenna,
I never planned on being a pastor’s wife. In fact, even after I became a Christian I was very suspicious of organized religion. Jonathan is the last person I’d ever have thought I’d end up with. But when you love someone so much, dreams have a way of reorienting themselves around the life you build with that person, at least to some extent.
However, I still have a deep desire to complete my PhD and become a university professor in English. Two children and the demands of being a pastor’s wife tend to keep that dream from becoming reality.
For me, one of the hardest parts about being a SAHM is watching my husband pursue his goals and rearing my children to be able to chase after their dreams, while my own seem to be sitting on a dusty, forgotten shelf. Maybe I’m just selfish, but why is it that mothers are expected to wait until half their life is over before being allowed to consider the desires of their own hearts? I love my children. I love my husband. But there are days when I feel like I am living their lives instead of my own. And I have a feeling that some morning, after they’re grown or gone, I’m going to wake up and realize my life ended a long time ago, that Phyllis Lorimer died without anyone—including me—noticing.
Phyllis
* * *
From:
Dulcie Huckleberry
To:
SAHM I Am
Subject:
Re: [SAHM I AM] Before Children…
* * *
My heart goes out to Phyllis and Brenna. I know how you feel! Even yesterday, after I posted my decorating ideas to the loop, I sat around feeling a bit blue because all that interest in interior design that I usually keep bundled away came to the surface. I spent the rest of the morning on the Internet looking up interior design jobs, depressed because I couldn’t apply for any of them.
Then Marianne called. She’s my friend from college who got a degree in home economics, just so she’d be a good wife and mom. I didn’t even let her explain why she was calling—just dumped all my moodiness all over her. And you know what she did?
She LAUGHED! I couldn’t believe it! I poured out my heart and she thought it was funny. I started to get mad, but she said, “No, I wasn’t laughing about how you’re feeling. I’m laughing at God’s perfect timing.”
Then she went on to explain that she was calling because she’s on the steering committee for MOPS this year, and they wanted someone to come in and do some workshops on home decorating. So of course Marianne thought of me. I’m now scheduled for three workshops, plus I can even hand out business cards to all the moms if I want to offer design services privately. I’m so excited! God is so good, and He has a great sense of humor.
Love,
Dulcie
* * *
From:
The Millards
To:
SAHM I Am
Subject:
Re: [SAHM I AM] Before Children…
* * *
I’m just getting caught up on this week’s e-mail. Tyler is complaining of an ache in his lower spine and in his left knee and ankle. I don’t know if he pulled a muscle in his soccer game or what. Anyway, I don’t have a lot of time right now, but I wanted to encourage all you moms who have struggled with the feeling that you’re losing your sense of identity. Now that Shane and I are teaching a parenting class, I make it