you were,” Mom insisted. “You were scared Lucas would realize he didn’t need you. And you were scared of sharing your Lucas with others. While he could only be himself around you, you felt safe and secure in your relationship with him. He had a reason to like you because he knew you wouldn’t expect things from him he couldn’t give.
“Now that he has discovered a whole other part of himself that he can be in the world without feeling the anxiety and nervousness, you felt like you’d lost him. In your mind, he no longer had a reason to be your friend, not if he could be that same person around other people. It wasn’t Clarissa that chased you away. You ran away because he was no longer just yours and you have never known how to share.”
“I know how to share,” I replied, indignantly.
“No, you don’t and I don’t mean that in a selfish way. You don’t know how to share, but it’s not because you want to keep everything to yourself. No, you were always giving away your stuff. If one of your friends admired something of yours, rather than sharing it with them, you would just give it to them. Because you wanted them to be your friend and you thought the only way to do that was to give them whatever it was they wanted. And now you did the same thing with Lucas. You didn’t think he’d want you anymore because you could no longer give him that safe place…he doesn’t need it anymore and so, therefore, you felt like he wouldn’t need you. You didn’t know how to share him, so you gave him away.”
“That makes me sound like a monster,” I whispered.
“No, it doesn’t,” Mom said, reaching over to lay her hand on mine. “It just means you need to find a way to have Lucas and share him with the world too.”
“I don’t think I can,” I said, looking up at Mom, tears sliding down my face. “I think I lost him forever.”
Lucas
“You should show Clarissa around the village.”
I looked up and turned to Meredith. They were the first words she’d spoken to me since that day in the throne room.
“Oh yes, I would love that,” Clarissa said.
I watched Meredith’s face, but she was giving nothing away. It had been nearly a week since Frankie left and I’d tried to contact her but had given up when she continued to ignore me. I’d tried to get back to normal…or my new normal in Kalopsia, but it had begun to feel like drudgery…or maybe that was just because my entire life felt like drudgery now that Frankie was gone.
And Clarissa was still here. Frankie was gone, but I couldn’t seem to get rid of my ex-girlfriend no matter how much I avoided her. I’d hoped she would get the hint and just leave, but no such luck.
“I actually don’t think you would love it,” I said to Clarissa, looking away from Meredith and down at the plate in front of me. If not for the breakfast foods laid out on the buffet, I would have probably forgotten what time of day it was. The hours had all begun to blend into one another.
“Why not?” Clarissa asked.
I sighed and turned to look at her. I didn’t know what she did when I spent the day in my office. I only really saw her at mealtimes where she clung to me like a leech. It was odd and not a little disconcerting to have her act so…adoring. Clarissa had always treated me with an aloof kind of tolerance, and I’d preferred it that way. That’s why I thought we’d be good together because there weren’t too many finicky emotions to impede our relationship. We liked the same things and there was never any tension. I wouldn’t say it was easy, but it fit into the narrow idea I had of what a marriage should look like. The last thing I’d wanted was a volatile marriage like my parents’. I wanted stable and calm and…boring. I’d purposely sought a relationship that was cool rather than burning hot.
After the experience with Frankie, I was beginning to think I’d been right all along. If my love life wasn’t burning hot, then there was no chance of me getting burned. If the woman I was with was already disappointed in me, then there was no chance of further disappointing her.
“Lucas?” Clarissa asked, nudging my elbow when I didn’t