I can't talk to the cute bartenders."
I could almost see Rachel's face as she text that. She was a huge flirt, a much bigger flirt than Liz and definitely a much bigger flirt than me. In fact, I wasn't even a good flirt at all. I was surprised that I'd been so successful on the dating app, but I guess guys were dumb. And, if you had a good story to tell them then, well, they believed it. My phone started ringing and I groaned, of course Rachel would win.
"Hey, Chica."
"Hey, Rachel. What's going on?"
"I'm just wondering where you are."
"I told you I'm at home and I'm still getting ready."
"Don't make me come home and get your ass."
She started giggling.
"Rachel, really?" I laughed.
Rachel and Liz were also my roommates. We lived in a one bedroom apartment on the upper West side. And, as much as I love them, I loved it when I was home alone and didn't have to deal with them. We made the apartment work, but it didn't work that well. That's why we'd all come up with the plan in the first place. But, I'm starting to realize that the plan we'd come up with it was making me feel Marley deficient. I mean, we'd have good reasons for coming up with it. But, the things we said and the things we did are really making me start to think that I didn't really like who I was as a person.
"Oh my gosh. Lily, are you there?"
"Sorry, girl. I was just..."
"You were daydreaming. I know. That's all you ever do."
"That's not all I ever do, but, yes, I was thinking that maybe I should go to confession."
"Are you joking?" Rachel started laughing. "You're not even Catholic."
"Yes, I am Catholic. Remember I went to church all the time. I went to Catholic school as a kid."
"Oh yeah. I guess I forgot."
"Really? How could you forget that? We've had long conversations about me being a Catholic school girl and feeling that's why I suck with guys."
"You don't suck with guys. You suck guys."
"Rachel..."
"What?"
I knew she was laughing.
"Anyway, hurry up. I'm on my second drink already. And I don't want to be drunk by the time you guys get here because who knows? I might leave with a guy and then you'll think that I'm a flake."
"Are you going to chat some guy up tonight or are you actually wanting to hang out with me and Liz?"
"Girl, of course I'm going to want to hang out with you and Liz. That's why I set up this evening date, right?"
"I guess. Is that really why you set it up?"
"Yeah. I haven't seen you girls in so long and well, you know." She paused.
"What?"
"I wanted to check in and see how everyone is doing with everything, we've all been so busy what with school and our plan."
"Yeah, I guess that's true."
I let out a deep sigh.
"Okay. I was going to shower, but I guess I won't now. I'll just change my clothes and put on some lipstick and I'll be there in 15."
"Sounds great, Lily. You're the best."
"I don't know about that girl, but I try my best."
I hung up quickly and put the phone down. I stared at my reflection in the mirror again and I wasn't sure I liked what I saw. I looked the same, of course, big brown eyes, long brown, wavy hair, thick eyebrushes, thick eyebrows, long eyelashes. I look the same, but I didn't feel the same. I felt guilty and I felt bad and I knew that Rachel and Liz didn't really have the same sort of conscience that I did. At least if they did, they weren't making it obvious.
My phone pinged again and I rolled my eyes.
"Oh my God, Rachel." I said out loud, "Give me a break."
I looked down it wasn't Rachel. It was Charles. I groaned even louder. Charles was a guy I met off the dating app two weeks ago and he was persistent, really persistent. I picked up my phone to read his message.
"Hey there, Mary Beth. How did the modeling shoot go in Milan? Excited to see the pictures."
I rubbed my forehead. I hated lying, but I dug my own grave.
"Actually, I'm in Roma right now about to head to Napoli as I want to see Pompeii and a couple of the other models and I are going." I hit send quickly. I couldn't believe how easily the lies had come out of my fingers.
"Oh, wow. That sounds amazing. I've always wanted to see Mount Vesuvius." He responded back quickly.
I rolled my eyes.
"I'd love to send you some flowers to your hotel. Can you give me the address?"
"Oh, we're staying at a friend's house. Some designer, Italian. I'm not sure of the address." I responded quickly.
I saw that he was typing a response and I wondered if I should just block him.
"Oh, I was wondering how you liked the watch that I got you?"
I stared at his message, guilt pouring through me. Charles was the reason why I wanted to go to confession. The $10,000 Cartier watch that he'd gotten me was the most expensive gift I received so far after being on the dating app. Granted it had helped pay our rent this month, but it still felt bad. He thought I was a top model and I was nothing but a student who'd once walked in a catwalk show in my local mall when I was in high school.
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