nobody can do anything about it. They have a tremendous beam; they’ve got the whole land hogtied.” We saw the high antenna beyond the shacks of Clint. “Oh, man, the things I could tell you!” cried Dean, almost weeping. Eyes bent on Frisco and the Coast, we came into El Paso as it got dark, broke. We absolutely had to get some money for gas or we’d never make it.
We tried everything. We buzzed the travel bureau, but no one was going west that night. The travel bureau is where you go for share-the-gas rides, legal in the West. Shifty characters wait with battered suitcases. We went to the Greyhound bus station to try to persuade somebody to give us the money instead of taking a bus for the Coast. We were too bashful to approach anyone. We wandered around sadly. It was cold outside. A college boy was sweating at the sight of luscious Marylou and trying to look unconcerned. Dean and I consulted but decided we weren’t pimps. Suddenly a crazy dumb young kid, fresh out of reform school, attached himself to us, and he and Dean rushed out for a beer. “Come on, man, let’s go mash somebody on the head and get his money.”
“I dig you, man!” yelled Dean. They dashed off. For a moment I was worried; but Dean only wanted to dig the streets of El Paso with the kid and get his kicks. Marylou and I waited in the car. She put her arms around me.
I said, “Dammit, Lou, wait till we get to Frisco.”
“I don’t care. Dean’s going to leave me anyway.”
“When are you going back to Denver?”
“I don’t know. I don’t care what I’m doing. Can I go back east with you?”
“We’ll have to get some money in Frisco.”
“I know where you can get a job in a lunchcart behind the counter, and I’ll be a waitress. I know a hotel where we can stay on credit. We’ll stick together. Gee, I’m sad.”
“What are you sad about, kid?”
“I’m sad about everything. Oh damn, I wish Dean wasn’t so crazy now.” Dean came twinkling back, giggling, and jumped in the car.
“What a crazy cat that was, whoo! Did I dig him! I used to know thousands of guys like that, they’re all the same, their minds work in uniform clockwork, oh, the infinite ramifications, no time, no time ...” And he shot up the car, hunched over the wheel, and roared out of El Paso. “We’ll just have to pick up hitchhikers. I’m positive we’ll find some. Hup! hup! here we go. Look out!” he yelled at a motorist, and swung around him, and dodged a truck and bounced over the city limits. Across the river were the jewel lights of Juárez and the sad dry land and the jewel stars of Chihuahua. Marylou was watching Dean as she had watched him clear across the county and back, out of the corner of her eye—with a sullen, sad air, as though she wanted to cut off his head and hide it in her closet, an envious and rueful love of him so amazingly himself, all raging and sniffy and crazy-wayed, a smile of tender dotage but also sinister envy that frightened me about her, a love she knew would never bear fruit because when she looked at his hangjawed bony face with its male self-containment and absentmindedness she knew he was too mad. Dean was convinced Marylou was a whore; he confided in me that she was a pathological liar. But when she watched him like this it was love too; and when Dean noticed he always turned with his big false flirtatious smile, with the eyelashes fluttering and the teeth pearly white, while a moment ago he was only dreaming in his eternity. Then Marylou and I both laughed—and Dean gave no sign of discomfiture, just a goofy glad grin that said to us, Ain’t we gettin’ our kicks anyway? And that was it.
Outside El Paso, in the darkness, we saw a small huddled figure with thumb stuck out. It was our promised hitchhiker. We pulled up and backed to his side. “How much money you got, kid?” The kid had no money; he was about seventeen, pale, strange, with one undeveloped crippled hand and no suitcase. “Ain’t he sweet?” said Dean, turning to me with a serious awe. “Come on in, fella, we’ll take you out—” The kid saw his advantage. He said he had an aunt in Tulare, California,