want to see this world…to have a Family. At least I don’t eat meat.” He smirked at her. “You do like your burgers rare, don’t you, Cora?”
She sighed and couldn’t maintain eye contact. He always made too much sense. “I never said I wasn’t a hypocrite or stupid.”
“You’re neither.” He patted her knee. “And that’s why I know you’ll make the right call. The trouble is, we have to find a way to get you close enough to Ringmaster, and for long enough, to do the deed. He won’t go easy.”
“What do you mean? And I haven’t agreed to anything.”
“Yet.” Clown smiled sadly. “I have to hold on to the hope that you will, Cora. You’re the last chance at survival for all of us.”
She cringed. She looked down into her lap. “I’m sorry. I know. But you’re asking me to kill a man. I think I might agree with him that we’re monsters. And I don’t know if I’m cut out to be in charge of anything. Ever. Why me? I’m not right for this. I’m nobody. I’m nothing. All I’ve ever been is just a sad little loser with a sad little life.”
Simon squeezed her hand tightly. “Cora…That’s not true.”
“It is! What have I ever been in my life? What, besides a broken and miserable photographer who had to work at a bank?”
“Hope.” Clown interjected. “You are hope. Not just to me…but to him. The only person in a hundred and thirty years of his life to take him into her arms and show him sympathy. Pity. Empathy. You are the only hope anyone in the Faire has. Aaron, Bertha, Jack, Louis, Elena, Rudy. All of them are in your hands. You can be their future if you’re brave enough to take the first step.”
She stood from the lip of the fountain and walked away from them. She dug her hands into her hair and wished she could just evaporate from the dream. “And what if I agree to it? What then? You said yourself Ringmaster won’t go easy. He told me he’d fight me to the end if I tried anything. I can’t beat him. He’s powerful. I’m bendy. What the fuck am I supposed to do?”
“You have friends. People who will help you. People who will side with you. But you’ll need more,” Clown said from behind her. “You need to make this choice yourself, Cora. Nobody can choose for you. Not me, not Simon, not…other Simon.” He paused. “How do you two keep yourselves straight, anyway? Can one of you just get a nickname or something?”
“No,” Simon replied flatly.
“Can I make one up for you?” Clown sounded way too amused by that prospect.
“No.”
She tried not to laugh at their bizarre exchange. She turned to see the dead Clown-turned-mouth-of-Harrow-Faire talking to the broken psyche of Simon. Standing in the middle of the lawn of an estate plucked from Simon’s childhood. In her dreams.
“My life is fucking weird.” She sighed.
“That’s an understatement.” Clown’s smile was sad and sympathetic. “I haven’t gone easy on you. What can I do to make this easier for you? Tell me what it is, and it’s yours.”
She shook her head. “Not more fish. I mean. I love the fish. But. Not more fish.”
“Noted.” He chuckled.
“Why can’t you just kill Ringmaster yourself?” Simon asked innocently. “You’re all-powerful, aren’t you?”
Clown shook his head. “Not even nearly. Especially not as I am now. I’m a shadow of my former self.” He grinned at his cheap shot at Simon. “You know how it is.”
“Low.” Simon huffed. “Very low.”
That time she did laugh. It wasn’t much, and there wasn’t much behind it, but she did all the same. “So, if I decide to kill him—and I’m not saying I have—what happens then?”
“A war, I expect. You’re right. Ringmaster won’t go down without a fight. But when the others realize their lives are on the line—that everything they love will die with them—you’ll have more support than you think. There will be a few who stand with him, I’m sure.”
“Amanda.” Cora walked back to the fountain and slumped back into her spot between the two apparitions. “I like her. That’s the problem. I like Turk. He seems nice! He seems like he cares. He’s never been mean to me.”
“He isn’t a bad man,” Clown agreed. “He isn’t cruel. He’s been a good leader and a good father to the Family. Except for the fact that he’s slowly killing us all”—he laughed once—“I couldn’t have asked for a better