of my cold, dead hands. “I don’t want to hurt anybody.”
“That is why we have to be stopped.”
“I know.” She chewed on her lip. They were nearly back to the boxcars. She wanted to see Simon. She wanted to throw herself into his arms and make the turmoil go away. “I don’t want to die.”
He put a heavy hand on her back. It was meant to console her. She wasn’t sure it worked. “Be happy in the time we have. Spend time with Simon before it’s too late. I don’t think we’ll have to go on like this for long.”
“I can sense it.”
He stopped as they reached her boxcar. “Cora…for what it’s worth, I’m still glad you came here. You have brought a new life to this Family of ours. Simon deserved some solace before the end. Life has been unkind to him, and he has been unkind in return.”
“That’s a good way to sum him up.” She smiled halfheartedly. “I know we’re monsters. I know we shouldn’t exist.” She looked out at the rows of boxcars. She thought about Rudy and his creatures. Louis and Elena the Seamstress, and how in love they were. Rick and Donna, the Catcher and the Flyer, and how dedicated they were to each other. They were monsters.
Did that mean they deserved to die?
She didn’t know.
“If you need anyone to talk to…if you need to tell me what the Faire has threatened you with if you don’t obey it, please don’t be afraid to come to me. I don’t mean you any harm, Cora. I don’t mean anyone harm. I just have to do what needs to be done.”
She nodded. “Yeah. Thanks, Turk.”
He smiled and took a step back from her. “Anytime, Cora. Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For listening.” He turned and began walking away. “You’d be impressed how infrequently people do that nowadays.”
And with that, he was gone. She headed to her boxcar, but as she placed her hand on the knob, she paused, and rested her head against the wood surface of the door and shut her eyes.
What have I become?
What has this place turned me into?
Why me?
She didn’t want to kill Ringmaster. She didn’t want to kill everyone else, either. If she could give Simon this connection to the Faire, she would do it in a heartbeat. But that was the coward’s way out. That was her being a chicken-shit and not wanting to face the problem.
Turk carried the burden in stride. He had faith in his righteousness. She had no faith in anything anymore. Not even herself. She wanted something simple. Something she didn’t have to think about. Something that wasn’t a debate between murder and suicide.
She walked away from her boxcar and went to number fifteen. The lights were on. She walked up the stairs and knocked on the door.
A second later, it swung open. Simon smiled down at her. “Oh, hello, cupc—” His words broke off in a startled “mmf!” as in one moment, she slammed him against the wall and, fisting her hand in his hair, yanked his head down to hers. She kissed him roughly and with every ounce of frustration and anger she had built up over the past few days.
Why me?
Why make me deal with this?
It isn’t right to dump this on me. This isn’t my fault. This shouldn’t be my problem.
She heard the door click shut as Simon must have pushed it closed behind her. She pressed him to the wall and began to haphazardly undo his coat and vest.
He chuckled against her lips, helping her strip him of his clothes until he was only in his undershirt. He broke the kiss to pull it off over his head and toss it aside with the rest. When she went for his belt buckle, he laughed. He leaned down and, scooping her up, lifted her off her feet and wrapped her legs around his waist. “So eager tonight. What’s wrong?”
“Everything.” She caught his face in her hands and carefully took his sunglasses off. She wanted to see his eyes. His monstrous, mis-colored eyes she had come to love. She tossed them onto the counter behind them. She stroked his cheek. He held her weight effortlessly off the ground.
And he was looking up at her in not just lust, not just amusement, but tenderness. “Everything?” He quirked a dark eyebrow.
“Everything but you.”
It was three strides of long legs before he threw her onto his bed.
He was over her then, devouring her lips, his hands roaming her with