to stay out of my life, or I’m going to make things very uncomfortable for her. I’m not going to hurt her because that would hurt you, and that’s the last thing in the world I want to do.”
Jeno swore and straightened up, squaring his shoulders and visibly pulling himself together. He lifted a finger to poke at his split lip and flinched at the contact. “No. I’ll talk to her. I’m going to head back to LA in the morning. If you’re sure you’ll be okay up here without me for a little bit, I think you’re right that I need some time off and away from everything. I can’t believe I hit you. I’m so mad. At myself. At my mom.” Our eyes met, and there was no mistaking the sadness in his. “And at you. I didn’t realize how much anger I had simmering under the surface until tonight. I need to figure out a better way to deal with it. I don’t want to be someone who’s dangerous to be around.”
I placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a little shake. I forced a weak smile and told him truthfully, “I’ll never see you as anyone other than my baby brother.”
Maren
WHILE SALINGER WAS in the other room talking to Jeno, I started cleaning up the mess strewn about his bedroom. Jeno really left no corner unturned when he tossed the room looking for a stash. It was a testament to how much he wanted to make sure his brother stayed clean and showed just how little he trusted Salinger. I couldn’t blame him for being overly cautious considering Salinger’s past behavior. However, since I’d also had to learn to forgive and move on from the damage Salinger brought into my life, I hoped Jeno could too. Since he’d been by his brother’s side through better and worse, he should recognize how much Salinger had changed before anyone else. But maybe the personal growth and self-awareness were still too new for him to take at face value. And the truth was, there was no hard guarantee that Salinger would stay on top of his bad behaviors indefinitely. Especially if he didn’t have a strong support system to hold him accountable.
It was a lot to hold onto the distrust that came from trying to love an addict. The sense of betrayal and disappointment was so heavy, it made it difficult to carry anything else in your heart. I was sure that Jeno was tired from bearing the weight of it all for so long.
It wasn’t a surprise that he’d immediately jumped to conclusions, and it wasn’t shocking that Salinger’s heart had broken into pieces when he was forced to face his younger brother’s honest emotions. His understanding and disappointment were clear in his dark eyes. For once, everything he was thinking and feeling was blatantly obvious in the normally unreadable depths.
His heart was in his eyes when I told him I trusted him. It wasn’t a confession of love or of undying devotion, but it might as well have been. I’d never had anyone look at me with so much hope and appreciation before. It was enough to take my breath and make me realize exactly how invested I was in his well-being. Before, I wanted to save him from himself since he was so young and so clearly out of control. Now, I was impressed that he had developed the tools to save himself, as well as protect others.
Again, I realized what a good man he had grown into, and he was still so young, there was no telling how much more he might grow and evolve. I wanted to stick around and see for myself exactly where he might be a year or two from now. Watching him become a better man bit by bit was the total opposite of witnessing my marriage go up in flames. I’d already witnessed Salinger’s low point, so it seemed like there was nowhere else for him to go but up. Having been dragged down by him before, there was no denying it was so much better to rise with him.
The ride was wild, and I was far from ready to get off of it.
When he came back into the bedroom, I had almost everything back in its place. I was sitting on the edge of the bed playing on my phone. I checked in on my dad, and sent a quick text to Lennon, letting her know