the crook of his neck. “Did he come down?”
“Yeah. I just figured since he’s Blake’s best friend—uh, was Blake’s best friend—I should tell him what’s going on. I don’t want you to think anything of it.” I messed up. The alcohol is wearing off and I’m starting to feel like a moron.
“You don’t have to explain it to me.”
“There’s nothing going on with Tanner.” It doesn’t matter how many different ways I say this, I can see I’ve painted some kind of image in his head. And it isn’t a pretty one.
“I believe you,” he laughs, a weird, forced laugh. “I know you have a past. We met each other a week ago, and I don’t expect you to pretend you don’t have a life outside of whatever it is we’re doing.”
What exactly is it we’re doing, anyway?
I’m not sure I have a clue.
* * *
I asked him at least a dozen times if he was upset with me. He told me he wasn’t, but he wasn’t convincing. We sat in his truck for a while, long enough for the haze in my head to clear. Neither of us said much, and I have a sinking feeling I screwed things up. Did I really need to text Tanner? I didn’t want Hayes to think I was needy and weak—weak enough that I had to go running out of work. Straight to my ex. Only I could mess things up this quickly.
He hardly even kissed me good-bye. It was like that quick peck an old married couple might share before going to bed. He said he’d call me tomorrow. I hope he does.
The alcohol has completely worn off now, and I’m sitting on Aspen’s couch, shaking and desperate for a cigarette. Except now I know there’s a possibility that my little smoking habit may have been the reason for the fire. I can’t knowingly go outside and engage with the enemy. Which ultimately means I will sit here, sweating and shaking for the next however many hours it takes to calm down. If you asked me last week if I was addicted, I would have said no. I didn’t think I could become addicted to cigarettes if I only smoked one a day. It’s why I never allowed myself more than one. Now I’m realizing, it only takes one.
It was my fault.
Being awake at three in the morning has its advantages, one of them being that I get to catch Aspen sneaking in. She’s tiptoeing, trying to figure out how to lock the deadbolt without it making a loud clinking noise. “I’m awake,” I say. I never went to sleep; I’m still plopped down in the middle of the couch.
She jumps. “Shit, Felicity! You scared the crap out of me.” Falling back against the door, she presses her palm into her chest. “Why are you still awake?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” I say, tapping the couch and waving her over.
She plops down next to me. “I was with Jen. We closed the bar.” She drops her head down onto my shoulder. “After I was so nicely kicked out of Sur Le Feu, I was just feeling kind of blah, so she met me at Murphy’s. It was karaoke night and yeah, I may not have a voice in the morning.” She does sound hoarse, and drunk. I can definitely smell the rum on her breath. She can probably still smell the vodka on mine.
“Sounds like you had a nice time,” I say, trying to seem happy for her. In reality, I just want to know who Grant caught her with.
“Aspen,” I begin.
“Oh,” she shouts. “Did you see lover boy? Things must be starting to heat up with you two.” She lifts her head, allowing me to see her twisted grin and her wiggling eyebrows.
I can’t stop the smile from stretching across my lips. Things definitely got hot today. Except, I’m pretty sure I cooled everything down tonight. And with that thought, my smile slips away. “Yeah,” I sigh. “He’s uh…he’s pretty incredible.”
She claps her hands together with excitement. “When do I get to meet him?”
If he ever actually calls me again, I think. “Soon. I promise.”
Her arms swing around my neck “Yay!” she sings.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Are you trying to figure out how to sixty-nine? It’s hard, but I have some good techniques you can try.” She looks up at me, puckering her lips. “Kidding. What’s up?”
I can’t help but shake my head at her. The things that come out of her mouth